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Inconsequential News Quiz: Hooterville headcount edition 

Play at your rural home, very slowly, on dial-up internet.

1) Former Arkansas Gov. Mike Huckabee will be in Little Rock on Dec. 6. Why is Huckabee coming to town?

A) One last jewel heist before he goes legit.

B) Asshole-off at Barton Coliseum between Sarah Huckabee Sanders and Kanye West.

C) A staging of his one-man show, "Gomer Pyle: The Later, Fatter Years."

D) A forum with former Gov. Mike Beebe to celebrate 20 years of the state's Center for Health Improvement.

2) The Arkansas Game and Fish Commission reported some good news the other day. What was it?

A) A historic peace treaty has been brokered between the Fouke Monster and the White River Monster.

B) The ivory-billed woodpecker has been located in Desha County, and was reportedly delicious.

C) Thanks to a concerted lobbying effort by the NRA, any person with a yearly income less than 120 percent of the federal poverty rate can now be hunted for sport.

D) The state added almost 6,000 acres to the wildlife management system in 2018 thanks to federal Wildlife Restoration Act funds.   

3) The U.S. Census Bureau is reportedly concerned that a factor that is common in rural areas of Arkansas could cause the state's population to be undercounted during the 2020 Census. What's the issue?

A) The state's plentiful supply of yokels who assume anybody from the gubmint is a Revenooer.

B) A recently enacted state law, sponsored by state Rep. Thad Peckerdrink (R-Merkin Fork), which makes "possession of any pail, bucket, lidded pot and/or unoccupied hat" qualify as having "indoor plumbing" for the purposes of the Census.

C) A new state statute, championed by Governor Hutchinson, which counts any resident receiving Medicaid benefits as negative one person.

D) A lack of broadband internet access in rural areas, which could make it difficult or impossible for up to 1 in 4 Arkansans to respond to the Census questionnaire online.

4) So the 2020 Census count is off by a couple hundred thousand people. What's the big deal?    

A) According to the Arkansas Economic Development Institute at UA Little Rock, for every person not counted by the 2020 Census, the state will lose around $900 in federal funds.

B) The AEDI also estimates that undercounting the population of the state by 1 percent could cost Arkansas $750 billion in federal funds by 2030.

C) The poorest counties in the state, which rely most heavily on federal funds allocated through the Census count, also tend to be the counties with the least access to broadband internet.

D) All of the above.

5) The University of Arkansas announced the suspension of two Razorback football players before the team's final game of the season against Missouri. Why were the two players suspended?

A) They embarrassed Coach Chad Morris by actually developing a cunning plan to win one.

B) They took Razorback mascot Tusk out on the town and got him a little ham hock, if you know what we mean.

C) They insulted a wealthy Razorback booster by neglecting to pick up the envelopes full of cash he "accidentally dropped" in front of them.

D) They reportedly flirted and took photos with cheerleaders from Mississippi State before the Razorbacks' humiliating 52-6 loss in Starkville on Nov. 17.

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