Inconsequential News Quiz: Kinda Funny, I Guess, Edition 

Play at home, while not posting racist stuff to Facebook!

1) Little Rock Police Department Chief Kenton Buckner recently received a complaint from a group of his officers. What was the problem?

A) Buckner's constant bragging about the night he scored front-row tickets to a performance by the Trans-Siberian Orchestra and the lead oboeist pointed him out in the crowd during a particularly hot solo.

B) A demand to install slides on the portable watchtowers LRPD sets up on mall parking lots during the holidays.

C) Concerns by the Black Police Officers Association about a Facebook post by a white LRPD recruit that featured a photo of a sleeping black man accompanied by the caption: "Go night night nigga. Go night night."

D) Cancellation of the department's weekly, all-you-can-eat taco, burrito and tamale feasts after the department racked up $16,500 in bills from Roto Rooter.

2) Former Arkansas Gov. Mike Huckabee went on Facebook recently to solicit donations. What are the donations meant to pay for?

A) Second round of secret gastric bypass surgery at El ClĂ­nica Gordo in Tijuana, Mexico.

B) The "deprogramming" of his daughter Sarah Huckabee Sanders after her stint as a spokeswoman for Cult 45.

C) A movie being made by his son John Mark Huckabee about the chaotic, on-and-off-again resignation of former Gov. Jim Guy Tucker after Tucker was indicted for activities related to the Whitewater investigation, a move that elevated Mike Huckabee to the governor's office.

D) $1 million for private lessons from Dave Chappelle and Steve Martin, in the hope he can move his comedy skills from "Was that supposed to be a joke?" to "Kinda funny, I guess."

3) The Arkansas Democrat-Gazette recently published a report about an Arkansas couple and their soon-to-be-born daughter, who is due Dec. 6. What's the big news?

A) She's already been hit on by Alabama U.S. Senate candidate Roy Moore.

B) They're planning to name her Olivia, after their favorite restaurant, The Olive Garden.

C) They plan to raise her on a strict diet of chocolate milk and Little Debbie brand snack cakes.

D) Astrologers from India and Nepal have agreed that she is The One prophesied to bring an end to the cruel, 25-year reign of future North American Empress-for-Life Ivanka Trump.

4) An animal protection organization had some welcome news recently about Arkansas critters. What was it?

A) Four turkeys the group rescued after the birds were tossed from an airplane and landed on the roofs of buildings during Yellville's barbaric annual Turkey Drop event have been taken out of state, nursed back to health, and will spend the rest of their days on a picturesque farm.

B) The critically endangered Arkansas Pug-Nosed Snipe has been successfully bred in captivity for the first time.

C) A Northern white rhino at the Little Rock Zoo recently burst from his enclosure, stole a car, tracked down Hollywood producer Harvey Weinstein in LA and screwed him to death.

D) Little Rock Wastewater has confirmed another outbreak of toilet snakes in the Heights.

5) Northwest Arkansas news station 40/29 recently reported on an Arkansas State Police investigation into allegations that a Springdale driver's license examiner had sent inappropriate texts to a 17-year-old girl in October 2016. What were the consequences?

A) The examiner blamed a text to the girl reading "Come love with me" on autocorrect, saying he had meant it to read "Come drive with me."

B) The ASP investigation noted that the man had been previously "counseled" for inappropriate interactions with "primarily young, minor females who were at [the driver's license testing office] to take the written or practical portion of the driving test" in May 2013, October 2014 and April and June 2015.

C) The examiner received a whopping five-day suspension for the October 2016 incident and is now back on the job.

D) All of the above.

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