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Inconsequential News Quiz: Leave Jeremy Hutchinson ALONE! Edition 

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1) Which of the following are real bills filed recently in the state legislature?

A) Sen. Jeremy Hutchinson's SB 626, which would "preserve the right to be left alone."

B) Rep. Jana Della Rosa's "Chocolate Covered Cherry Freedom Act of 2017."

C) Rep. John Walker's bill to require that every member of the legislature pass the civics portion of the U.S. citizenship test before being allowed to vote on bills.

D) All of the above.

2) Recently, a petition was filed on change.org that involves Sen. Jason Rapert (R-Conway) and has already drawn over 2,400 signatures. What is the nature of the petition?

A) To have a volunteer carrying a giant, 1980s-era boom box trail him at all times, blaring the song "Pretty Fly (For a White Guy)."

B) Asking Jesus Christ to hurry up and return to earth already so He can slap the snot outta Rapert.

C) To rename all sewage tanks in the city of Conway after him.

D) To rechristen the Faulkner County landfill "Jason Rapert's Partially Filled Hole."

3) According to researchers at the University of California-Davis, approximately what percentage of U.S. agricultural workers are undocumented immigrants?

A) "Build the wall! Build the wall!"

B) "Trump! Trump! Trump!"

C) "I hate gatdamn vegetables! I'm a MAN!"

D) 70 percent. Better hope grandma cans up plenty of tomatoes this summer, kids.

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4) In mid-February, an animal at the Little Rock Zoo made national news. What was the animal and the story?

A) Rick, the zoo's white rhino, succumbed to the throes of rut, bashed his way out of his enclosure and made sweet love to a zookeeper's Volvo station wagon parked nearby.

B) Fred, a male orangutan, mastered the use of sign language and immediately registered to run for office as a Republican.

C) Trudy, who was captured as an infant in Africa in 1957 and moved to the Little Rock Zoo in 1988, became the oldest western lowland gorilla in captivity and possibly in the world.

D) Rusty, a giant tortoise, briefly escaped and led keepers on a very slow-speed chase around the flamingo pond.

5) Rep. Mary Bentley (R-Perryville) recently took to Facebook to remind Arkansas Tech University that state legislators "hold the purse strings" of the college's budget, apparently a threat over a March 9 event on campus that she disagrees with. What was the event?

A) A "Sex on the Lawn" event, in which students are invited to talk about sex, relationships and sexual health.

B) History Department PowerPoint presentation to refute the idea that Mary and Joseph fled to Bethlehem riding on a triceratops.

C) English Department workshop on the difference between "There," "They're" and "Their," which Bentley says infringes on the "grammeratical freedom" of Trump supporters.

D) A weekend retreat during which Arkansas legislators will be forced to watch the "Schoolhouse Rock" series while tied to chairs with their eyelids propped open, as seen in "A Clockwork Orange."

D, C, D, C, A

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