Favorite

Inconsequential News Quiz: Police Beat Edition 

Play at home.

1. Recently, police said, a Centerton man was arrested after he got rid of three Jehovah's Witnesses who knocked on his door in a peculiar way. What did he do? A) Greeted them with a machete and a cheerful: "Hail Satan! What can I do for you?" B) Opened the door wearing only a leather codpiece. C) Pushed a button that activated a trapdoor under the welcome mat. D) Pulled out a handgun and fired at least 19 rounds at them.

2. A former valet at Little Rock's Capital Hotel filed a civil suit in October against a Canadian businessman who, the lawsuit says, went on a 2010 "drunken escapade" at the hotel in which the valet was injured. Which of the following are allegations about the businessman's behavior, as spelled out in an exhibit included in the lawsuit? A) Licked the shoe and bare foot of a female guest. B) Invited three men he'd met at a liquor store into a hotel bathroom. C) Depantsed himself in the hotel's swanky lobby and bar. D) All of the above.

3. Two men waiting in a truck in the parking lot of the Faulkner County Jail before heading inside to begin weekend sentences were recently arrested. What were they arrested for? A) Honking the entire bass line of Deep Purple's "Smoke on the Water." B) General nekkidness. C) Getting so drunk that one of them pissed his pants. D) Having "Pussy Wagon" spray-painted on the tailgate.

4. Just before Halloween, a Mayflower paintball playground hosted a horror-themed "zombie hunt," promoting the event on its website by referencing a recent news event. What was the news event? A) The ExxonMobil pipeline breach at Mayflower, which the website said had created "neurological dysfunctions, genetic mutations, and changes in physical appearance." B) The recent announcement by U.S. Rep. Tim Griffin that he's retiring from politics in order to devote more energy to his pursuit of creating hellish human/jackass hybrids. C) Faulkner County Gurple, a new purple/green supermeth made from corpses. D) Bust of a Greenbrier ring that made moonshine from stolen jack-o-lanterns.

5. Less than 45 minutes after popular Mount St. Mary English teacher Tippi McCullough got married to her partner, Barbara Mariani, in New Mexico on Oct. 16, MSM Principal Diane Wolfe called to say she'd gotten McCullough something for her wedding. What was it? A) Bread maker B) Year's supply of fudge C) Subscription to the Beer of the Month Club D) A pink slip, with Wolfe later suggesting it took "moral courage" to fire McCullough for getting married to her partner of 14 years.

6. Arkansas-born stuntman Hal Needham died on Oct. 25 in California at age 82. Which of the following were actual, real-life events in Needham's badass life? A) Once jumped from an airplane onto the back of a galloping horse, designed and built a downward-firing, car-flipping cannon (which almost killed him), and stunt-doubled for Captain Kirk in some episodes of the original "Star Trek." B) Directed "Smokey and the Bandit," personally gave Jerry Reed the thumbs up to record "East Bound and Down" and once owned the Budweiser rocket car. C) Drove a big-block-powered ambulance coast-to-coast in the famous (and famously illegal) "Cannonball Run" race, was one of only two stuntmen to ever receive an Academy Award, and lived for most of the 1970s in Burt Reynolds' pool house. D) Amazingly, all of the above.

Answers: D, D, C, A, D, D.

Favorite

From the ArkTimes store

Comments

Showing 1-1 of 1

Add a comment

 
Subscribe to this thread:
Showing 1-1 of 1

Add a comment

Readers also liked…

  • Inquizator: Holt Condren

    Holt Condren is an explorer and entrepreneur based in Maumelle, the founder of Ink Custom Tees and the author of "Surf the Woods: The Ordinary Man's Trail Map to the Extraordinary Life." He's also featured in a new documentary, "Finding Noah," which follows a team of archeologists and theologians to Mount Ararat, in Turkey, on a search for Noah's Ark. The film will premiere with a multicity one-night-only screening at 7 p.m. Oct. 8.
    • Oct 1, 2015
  • The devil is in the details at the Arkansas state Capitol

    The proposed Ten Commandments monument vs. the Satanic Temple's proposed Baphomet statue.
    • Aug 17, 2016

Most Shared

  • Workers stiffed

    How is it going with the great experiment to make the Republican Party the champion of the sons and daughters of toil instead of the oligarchs of wealth and business?
  • Former state board of education chair Sam Ledbetter weighs in on Little Rock millage vote

    Ledbetter, the former state Board of Education chair who cast the decisive vote in 2015 to take over the LRSD, writes that Education Commissioner Johnny Key "has shown time and again that he is out of touch with our community and the needs of the district." However, Ledbetter supports the May 9 vote as a positive for the district's students and staff.
  • O'Reilly's fall

    Whom the gods would destroy, they first make TV stars.

Latest in The Big Picture

Visit Arkansas

Fishing the Diamond Lakes of Arkansas

Fishing the Diamond Lakes of Arkansas

Arkansas angler and fishing expert Billy Murray shares his extensive knowledge of the Diamond Lakes of Arkansas

Event Calendar

« »

April

S M T W T F S
  1
2 3 4 5 6 7 8
9 10 11 12 13 14 15
16 17 18 19 20 21 22
23 24 25 26 27 28 29
30  

Most Viewed

Most Recent Comments

  • Re: Eye for an eye

    • It seem evident that the death penalty is not a deterrent to any specified abborant…

    • on April 27, 2017
  • Re: Country Club of Little Rock: Still for Whites only

    • But plenty of other groups have their own clubs. Seems you are anti-White if you…

    • on April 26, 2017
 

© 2017 Arkansas Times | 201 East Markham, Suite 200, Little Rock, AR 72201
Powered by Foundation