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Inconsequential News Quiz: Post-Halloween Sugar Crash Edition 

Play at home!

1) In Mountain Home in October, a man was arrested after police said he was spotted tied to a tree in a park on the shores of Amon's Lake, with witnesses telling police he was wearing only a single, rather odd piece of clothing. What was he wearing?

A) Gorilla mask.

B) Romney for President T-shirt.

C) A small dishcloth over his junk.

D) Jockstrap made from a possum hide.

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2) According to police, when questioned by witnesses, who did the man say had tied him to the tree?

A) Comic book superheroine Wonder Weirdo.

B) Baxter County Judge Merkin Pecker.

C) His girlfriend.

D) A rogue splinter cell of the Boy Scouts.

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3) Recently, officials with the Polk County Emergency Management Office reported that a 1-acre grass fire there had been started by a rather surprising ignition source. What was it?

A) The smoldering, white-hot sensuality of Arkansas state Rep. Warwick Sabin (D-Little Rock).

B) A 14-year-old girl's frantic, lightning-fast texting about the breakup of One Direction caused friction sufficient to make her phone burst into flames.

C) A squirrel jumped on top of an electrical transformer, with the resulting explosion igniting dry glass below.

D) Bad reaction to a Burger King "Halloween Whopper," other than green poop for days.

4) Little Rock's Darrell Brown died recently, 50 years after finding his place in Arkansas sports history. What is Brown famous for?

A) Refereed the historic 1965 cage match between Gov. Orval Faubus and Little Rock Nine member Minnijean Brown-Trickey.

B) First winner of the prestigious Tontitown Grande Prix de Jalopies.

C) First black player for the University of Arkansas Razorbacks football team.

D) First man to dogsled across Newton County.

5) The police department in Batesville — a city of around 10,500 people — recently announced it will be spending $57,000 on new equipment. What is it buying?

A) Another bullet for every officer's gun, just in case they lose the one they've been previously issued.

B) Golf cart decked out in Batesville PD colors, so Cave City PD doesn't use theirs as an excuse to get uppity.

C) Fully automatic assault rifles with a 30-round clip, which the chief said he likes because they're "very intimidating."

D) Donut-shooting shotguns.

6) Pulaski County sheriff's deputies recently responded to a 911 call in the wilds of Pulaski County about an assailant who had attacked and injured five people. Who was the perp?

A) A sugared-up 6-year-old on a post-Halloween candy binge.

B) A 28-pound housecat named Lovey Snuggles.

C) A horny buck deer in the grip of rut, who attacked a parked car and anyone who emerged from a nearby house to try and stop him from murdering things.

D) A donkey who'd broken into and eaten his owner's meth stash, acquiring super-jackassian strength.

Answers: Cs all the way.

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