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Inconsequential News Quiz: Remember the Alamo Edition 

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1) The Arkansas Legislature put rules in place to impeach a judge last week. Which of the following real Arkansas judges committed an offense that apparently rises to the level of judicial misconduct that merited establishing impeachment rules in the eyes of the legislature?

A) The judge who blew through a DWI checkpoint near Clarksville in January, then led State Police on a short, liquored-up chase before a trooper was forced to ram his car into the judge's truck to end the pursuit.

B) The judge who, investigators say, spent years taking lewd photos of defendants who appeared in his court, and recruited some of the poorest and most desperate of them as paid sexual and sadomasochistic partners.

C) The judge who took a bribe in exchange for reducing a nursing home negligence verdict from $5.2 million to $1 million.

D) The judge who, on his own time and completely within the 1st Amendment's protection of free speech, lay on a cot in front of the Governor's Mansion while anti-death-penalty protesters held signs nearby.

2) Arkansas cult leader Tony Alamo, who was convicted in 2009 of taking underage girls as young as 9 across state lines for sex, died in federal prison May 4. Which of the following were real incidents in his life?

A) Preached that UFOs were messengers from God.

B) Ordered members of his church — who turned over the vast majority of their earnings to Alamo such that some had to dumpster-dive for food — to flush their toilets only every two or three days.

C) Refused to bury the embalmed body of his wife, Susan Alamo, for six months after she died of cancer in April 1982, believing she would be resurrected by prayer.

D) Told an Associated Press reporter in 2008 just before he was arrested on charges of child molestation: "Consent is puberty."

E) Designed the studded, black leather jacket seen on the cover of Michael Jackson's "Bad" album.

F) All of the above.

3) The Southwest Times-Record of Fort Smith recently published an expose on a bit of city business that Fort Smith would have probably wished to keep secret. What was it?

A) That at least six of the people on the 10-seat City Council are actually realistic cardboard cutouts.

B) That the city of Fort Smith is actually a figment of the colorful imagination of local eccentric Phineas Merkin IV.

C) That, for months, bins full of recyclable materials put to the curb every week by residents had been taken to the local dump.

D) That the administrator of the Fort Smith dog pound took bribes in exchange for allowing shipments of contraband squeaky toys to pass through security.

4) The National Book Foundation recently announced that Little Rock native Alvin Irby is the winner of its Innovations in Reading Prize, which includes a $10,000 award. What does Irby plan to do with the money?

A) Buy members of the Arkansas Legislature some fifth-grade reading level books on law, math, the Bill of Rights, science and ethics. Because, damn.

B) Fund reading spaces for children in Little Rock barbershops.

C) Help bankroll a live-action film version of "Goodnight Moon," with the red balloon to be played by James Franco.

D) Have an airplane circle the White House for three hours towing a banner that says: "READ A BOOK, WILL YA?"

5) In what will surely make for an epic "hold my beer and watch this" story some day, investigators say three inebriated men partying in Little Rock's River Market district recently stole something rather unusual. What was it?

A) A police horse.

B) Governor Hutchinson's boxer shorts.

C) A live, 3-foot alligator, which they allegedly gator-napped after smashing a case at the Witt Stephens Jr. Central Arkansas Nature Center.

D) A box full of Alcoholics Anonymous 1-Month Sobriety chips.

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