Favorite

Inconsequential News Quiz: Repeat Offenders Edition 

Play at home, while wearing one flip-flop and your boyfriend's drawers.

click to enlarge thebigpicture1-1-0f5663e239f768b4.jpg
1) A man in Hot Spring County who was recently arrested for attacking a woman with a chainsaw was found to have had an alarming prior run-in with the law. What was it?

A) A conviction for a 1974 Texas chainsaw massacre, along with his cannibal cult family.

B) He once chainsaw-carved a tree in front of Arkansas State Police headquarters into a giant wang.

C) He'd previously told officers that the 1983 film "Scarface" was "his favorite comedy."

D) He was out on parole after serving time in prison for attacking another woman with a chainsaw.

2) A Little Rock woman was arrested on charges of burglary and disorderly conduct after, police say, she broke a window of the Kroger store in the Hillcrest neighborhood of Little Rock and went inside. What was she wearing at the time?

A) The rear half of a horse costume.

B) Confederate flag bikini.

C) Donald Trump mask and an "I'm With Stupid" T-shirt.

D) Men's "tighty whitey" underwear, one flip-flop and a sweater that was unbuttoned in the front.

3) According to a witness and police, which of the following happened after the woman in the previous item broke into the store?

A) She attempted to steal bandages.

B) She grabbed register receipts and rubbed them all over her body.

C) She allegedly told police that she and her boyfriend have a sexual fetish that involves filming themselves throwing dirt on each other.

D) All of the above.

4) The board that oversees the Junction Bridge, a pedestrian and bike span between Little Rock and North Little Rock, recently decided to ban something from the bridge. What was it?

A) U.S. Senate candidate Roy Moore of Alabama, with extra patrols on prom night.

B) Trolls.

C) Elephants, llamas and Fouke Monsters.

D) "Love Locks," the signed padlocks latched onto bridge railings there as a romantic gesture by couples.

5) Lindsay Scott, an alumna of the University of Arkansas, set a Guinness World Record recently. What was the record for?

A) The record for the most Roy Moores, Louis C.K.s and Harvey Weinsteins punched in the scrotum in under one minute.

B) Longest toss of a hog hat and a Razorback football season ticket.

C) Largest student loan debt.

D) Putting on and taking off a wetsuit, which Scott accomplished in 43.13 seconds, well under her 1-minute goal.
Favorite

From the ArkTimes store

Comments

Subscribe to this thread:

Add a comment

Readers also liked…

Most Shared

  • Conflicts of interest in the legislatures

    The Center for Public Integrity and the Associated Press collaborated for a project aimed at highlighting state legislators whose lawmaking might be affected by private business interests.
  • Industrial hemp pilot program coming soon to Arkansas

    One of the booths at this week's Ark-La-Tex Medical Cannabis Expo was hosted by the Arkansas Hemp Association, a trade group founded to promote and expand non-intoxicating industrial hemp as an agricultural crop in the state. AHA Vice President Jeremy Fisher said the first licenses to grow experimental plots of hemp in the state should be issued by the Arkansas State Plant Board next spring.
  • Cats and dogs

    I've always been leery of people who dislike animals. To my wife and me, a house without dog hair in the corners and a cat perched on the windowsill is as barren as a highway rest stop. We're down to three dogs and two cats, the smallest menagerie we've had for years.

Latest in The Big Picture

Event Calendar

« »

December

S M T W T F S
  1 2
3 4 5 6 7 8 9
10 11 12 13 14 15 16
17 18 19 20 21 22 23
24 25 26 27 28 29 30
31  

Most Recent Comments

 

© 2017 Arkansas Times | 201 East Markham, Suite 200, Little Rock, AR 72201
Powered by Foundation