Inconsequential News Quiz: The Capulets and Montagues are ready to rumble edition 

Play at home, or I shall bite my thumb at thee!

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1) UA Little Rock recently announced it's conducting a feasibility study on a subject that's bound to be controversial on campus. What is it studying?

A) Whether to start a football team.

B) Whether to institute a prohibition on live-ammo skeet shooting in dorm hallways, a rule change that has been ferociously opposed by the National Rifle Association.

C) Whether to move fidget spinners from the "lit" to "lame" list for 2018.

D) Whether to cut out the middleman and allow student loan providers to sell UALR freshmen into permanent chattel slavery.

2) An ad hoc committee recently presented its recommendations to the Little Rock City Board of Directors on how to regulate charitable feeding of the homeless in city parks. What was the centerpiece of its recommendation?

A) Liquifying the homeless to make a delicious energy drink for participants in this fall's The Shoppes at Rue Chenal 5K Fun Run.

B) Busing the homeless to a location 3 miles from downtown, where they will be fed inside a tent.

C) A billboard campaign encouraging homeless people to see starvation as a way to reduce their carbon footprint.

D) Construction of a giant cannon in Riverfront Park that will fire homeless people into Protho Junction after luring them into the barrel with the delicious smell of grilling burgers.

3) A proposal by Pulaski County Justice of the Peace Judy Green was shot down by the Quorum Court recently, with several critics present saying the proposal was unworkable. What did Green propose?

A) A 180-day moratorium on any entertainment that might "promote or incite violence," which Little Rock City Attorney Tom Carpenter noted might prevent staging Shakespeare's "Romeo and Juliet" because of the play's depictions of bloody gang warfare.

B) Replacing all the streets in the county with an incline greater than 15 degrees with Slip 'N Slides.

C) That in addition to their ability to marry people, JPs should be given the ability to end marriages by pointing at any couple and saying, "I DIVORCE THEE!"

D) Starting every Quorum Court meeting by busing the JPs to a location 3 miles from downtown and feeding them in a tent.

4) The state Judicial Discipline and Disability Commission recently filed formal disciplinary charges against Saline County Circuit Judge Bobby McCallister. Why, according to JDDC investigators, were the charges warranted?

A) He's a grown man who still goes by "Bobby."

B) He clearly saw the bumper sticker on Arkansas Supreme Court Chief Justice Dan Kemp's van that says, "If This Van's a Rockin', Don't Bother Knockin'," but knocked anyway.

C) He has allegedly not paid income taxes for "most years" since 1995.

D) He was the voice in the video heard shouting "FREEDOM!" from the backseat of Michael Reed's Dodge Dart as Reed allegedly mowed down the Ten Commandments monument on the Capitol lawn.

5) A new state law that will go into effect on July 30 includes provisions that have incensed supporters of abortion rights. What does the law require?

A) That all women seeking an abortion must first watch a secretly recorded, hour-long video of Rep. Bob Ballinger (R-Hindsville) worriedly picking at a weird mole near his left nipple.

B) Makes it illegal for a woman to have an abortion without first informing the man who impregnated her, with no exceptions for women who became pregnant through rape or incest.

C) That every pregnant woman must have her cervix fitted with a lock that can only be opened by a whispered voice command from Sen. Jason Rapert (R-1952).

D) That anye physician who wouldst performe the vile wykedness of abortion shall be dunk'ed thrice in yon river, with alle who doth survive the holy ordeale henceforthe declared a wytche.



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