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Inconsequential News Quiz: Too sweaty to burn edition 

Play at home, if your retinas weren't scorched too badly while viewing the partial eclipse.

1) Recently, the Arkansas Times identified a man photographed wearing an "Arkansas Engineering" T-shirt during a torch-lit white supremacist rally in Charlottesville, Va. Even though he said he lost his job because of the march, why did he say he may participate in future demonstrations with neo-Nazis?

A) "How else am I going to figure out what these guys are about?"

B) "I need to lose a few pounds, and goose-stepping is really great cardio."

C) "I love the smell of Citronella and unwashed bro-dudes."

D) "If I can just get the armband for The White and Terrified Knights of the Yellow Stained Sheets, I'll have the whole set."

2) A protestor at a recent demonstration in Hot Springs around a Confederate monument was arrested by police while trying to burn a Confederate flag. Why wasn't he successful in burning the flag?

A) Saw some dog-doo on the sidewalk nearby, and thought of a more appropriate use for it. B) The Arkansas State Police killed his dragon with a scorpion bolt.

C) He'd been wearing it as a bandana, and it was too sweaty to burn.

D) His Chinese-made Trump Collection cigarette lighter wouldn't light.

3) Speaking of the Hot Springs Confederate monument, installed in 1933, what is unique about it?

A) Holds the Guinness record for "World's Largest Participation Trophy."

B) The Confederate soldier on top of the monument is wearing assless chaps.

C) Two black men, one in 1913 and another in 1922, were lynched by angry mobs on the spot where it stands.

D) A bas relief sculpture on one side depicts Confederate Gen. Robert E. Lee running down peaceful protestors with a horse-drawn buggy.

4) Patrick Forscher, a researcher at the University of Arkansas, helped conduct a survey designed to examine the psychology and attitudes of the "alt-right," the white nationalists who participated in the torch-bearing marches in Charlottesville. What, according to a report by Vox, have been some of the researchers' conclusions?

A) They are significantly more likely to believe that the groups they disagree with are sub-human.

B) They show a high degree of preference for authoritarian-style leaders.

C) They show a "somewhat higher" level of psychopathy and narcissism than a control group.

D) All of the above.

5) Students in the Little Rock School District didn't get to directly view the partial solar eclipse on Aug. 21. Why, according to an announcement from a spokesperson, didn't the kids get to go outside and view the eclipse?

A) Hundreds are still recovering from last week's eclipse practice session in which officials mistakenly announced that making pretend binoculars out of two toilet paper tubes would be protection enough.

B) A recall had been issued on thousands of eclipse glasses handed out to LRSD teachers.

C) An anti-Sharia Law passed by the Arkansas Legislature makes it illegal to look at anything crescent shaped other than bananas, croissants and Donald Trump's shit-eating grin.

D) The Walton Family Foundation found out the district had bought their eclipse glasses through Target, and commanded LRSD Superintendent Mike Poore to call off the eclipse.


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