Favorite

Inconsequential News Quiz: Two heads are better than one edition 

Play at home!

#10;Play at your halfway house! 1) On Sept. 24, the city of Perryville (Perry County) held the grand opening of something that's the first of its kind in the nation. What is it? A) Open-air squirrel frying vat. B) The Perryville Goat Park, which, much like a more conventional dog park, allows goat owners a space to let their kids romp and play. C) Feudin' tent (sponsored by Trojan brand condoms). D) Giant artillery piece to shell arch-rival Perry (Perry County) if they don't immediately end their nuclear methamphetamine program. 2) Word came in last week that a newsworthy figure has been released from federal prison and is currently residing in a halfway house in Arkansas. Who is it? A) Froderick Hutchins, inventor of the Arkansas State Fair midway staple, fried lard on a stick. B) Jolene "Humps" Merkin, the Typhoid Mary of drug-resistant superherpesgonorrheaAIDS. C) The restless ghost of Tony Alamo. D) Former Arkansas Treasurer Martha Shoffner, who was sentenced to prison for bribery in 2015. 3) Something fairly odd happened recently in Little Rock's Allsopp Park near Riverdale. What was the issue? A) A 14-year-old girl playing soccer with her father and brother was shot in the leg by an arrow, with the identity of the person who shot her still, as of this writing, a mystery. B) The elaborate mustaches of two hipsters became hopelessly entangled, requiring assistance from the Little Rock Fire Department's new Grooming Emergency Response Team. C) Arkansas Department of Correction Director Wendy Kelley scored a Mason jar full of vecuronium bromide for the ADC's execution drug stockpile from a guy named "Dook" behind the tennis courts. D) A freak decapitation during a particularly intense game of Ultimate Frisbee. 4) A familiar sight in Harrison recently went the way of the dodo bird. What was it? A) The last retail outlet of Cousin Newt's Pre-Gasolined Crosses, a Harrison landmark since 1955. B) Two racist billboards — including a yellow sign that said "Diversity is a code word for white genocide" — which were removed after the property owner where the billboards stand found that the permits for the signs had expired. C) The city's Confederate monument, which was stolen, melted down and sold for cigarette money by the local Rotary Club. D) The Ku Klux Kloset, a bar popular with the hundreds of secretly gay racists who live in the area. 5) Recently, a rare animal marvel was captured near Forrest City before being taken to a nature center in Jonesboro. What was the critter in question? A) Nine-assed wampus cat. B) A rational Trump supporter. C) A venomous timber rattlesnake with two fully functional heads. D) An albino Huckabee.
Favorite

From the ArkTimes store

Comments

Subscribe to this thread:

Add a comment

Readers also liked…

Most Shared

  • In the margins

    A rediscovered violin concerto brings an oft-forgotten composer into the limelight.
  • Donald Trump is historically unpopular — and not necessarily where you think

    My colleagues John Ray and Jesse Bacon and I estimate, in the first analysis of its kind for the 2018 election season, that the president's waning popularity isn't limited to coastal cities and states. The erosion of his electoral coalition has spread to The Natural State, extending far beyond the college towns and urban centers that voted for Hillary Clinton in 2016. From El Dorado to Sherwood, Fayetteville to Hot Springs, the president's approval rating is waning.
  • Arkansans join House vote to gut Americans with Disabilities Act

    Despite fierce protests from disabled people, the U.S. House voted today, mostly on party lines, to make it harder to sue businesses for violating the Americans with Disabilities Act. Of course Arkansas congressmen were on the wrong side.

Latest in The Big Picture

Event Calendar

« »

February

S M T W T F S
  1 2 3
4 5 6 7 8 9 10
11 12 13 14 15 16 17
18 19 20 21 22 23 24
25 26 27 28  

Most Viewed

  • Pharmacy reimbursement fight prompts special session call

    Since Jan. 1, Brandon Cooper, a pharmacist at Soo’s Drug Store in Jonesboro, has turned away a number of patients seeking to fill routine prescriptions. The problem is not that the pharmacy lacks the drugs in question or that the patients don’t have insurance, Cooper said. It’s that the state’s largest insurance carrier, Arkansas Blue Cross and Blue Shield, recently changed the way it pays for pharmaceuticals.
  • Locked away and forgotten

    In 2017, teenagers committed to rehabilitative treatment at two South Arkansas juvenile lockups did not receive basic hygiene and clothing supplies and lived in wretched conditions.

Most Recent Comments

 

© 2018 Arkansas Times | 201 East Markham, Suite 200, Little Rock, AR 72201
Powered by Foundation