Favorite

nconsequential News Quiz: Black Friday hangover edition 

1. Police in Jonesboro said that the target of an alleged "hit" recently found out about the alleged murder-for-hire plot in a fairly unusual way. How did investigators say he found out?

A) Note from an anonymous source, made up of letters clipped from "Cat Fancy" magazine. B) Overcoat-and-fedora-wearing man under the viaduct on Cherry Street. Come alone. C) Warned in barks and snarls by his faithful collie. D) The man who police say wanted him dead accidentally "butt-dialed" the intended victim on his cell phone while discussing the plot with the hitman.

2. Texarkana plumber Jim Peek recently filed a $90,000 lien in connection with work he did at the Arkansas Convention Center in that city, but was never paid for. What did Peek tell a reporter was the reason he should be paid?

A) "It's Christmastime, and my kids want the G.I. Joe with the kung fu grip!" B) "Brown plus yellow equals green!" C) "I've got hip waders, a pipe wrench and a motorized auger. Do they wanna do this the easy way, or the hard way?" D) "You know the ending of 'Shawshank Redemption'? My job is just like that. Not the beach part. The 'crawled through a river of excrement' part."

3. Conway recently spent $133,000 on a holiday-themed decoration for the city. What was it?

A) Giant candy cane made of methamphetamine. B) Mummified corpse of Bing Crosby.C) Arkansas's largest fake Christmas tree. D) Randolph the Shitfaced Fratboy.

4. According to beardcalendar.com, the website for a 12-month calendar featuring bearded men from Fayetteville, which of the following will the photos in the calendar include?

A) "Really short shorts." B) "Dudes who take beards very seriously." C) "Chicken and sparklers." D) All of the above.

5. Two comedians appearing on TBS's "The Pete Holmes Show" recently talked about attending a taping of former Arkansas Gov. Mike Huckabee's Fox News show "Huckabee." According to them, what was the most surprising thing about their visit to the "Huckabee" studio?

A) Fox News headquarters was carpeted in 100 percent puppy skin. B) One whole wall of the studio was a mirror, to make the audience appear bigger. C) During taping, a man in a bowler hat stood just offstage and kept a large tranquilizer gun aimed at Huckabee's chest at all times. D) Rupert Murdoch is actually around the size of a Cornish game hen.

6. Former Republican state legislator Charlie Fuqua — who is currently running for a House seat in the state legislature — wrote a 2012 book called "God's Law: The Only Political Solution," which says (among other wackjobbery) that the death penalty should be available for a rather surprising "crime." What's one infraction which Fuqua said should warrant The Big Adios?

A) Children being disrespectful to their parents. B) Movie theater cell phone use (actually, we support this one). C) White shoes after Labor Day. D) Farting and blaming it on the dog.

Favorite

From the ArkTimes store

Comments

Subscribe to this thread:

Add a comment

Readers also liked…

Most Shared

  • Conflicts of interest in the legislatures

    The Center for Public Integrity and the Associated Press collaborated for a project aimed at highlighting state legislators whose lawmaking might be affected by private business interests.
  • Industrial hemp pilot program coming soon to Arkansas

    One of the booths at this week's Ark-La-Tex Medical Cannabis Expo was hosted by the Arkansas Hemp Association, a trade group founded to promote and expand non-intoxicating industrial hemp as an agricultural crop in the state. AHA Vice President Jeremy Fisher said the first licenses to grow experimental plots of hemp in the state should be issued by the Arkansas State Plant Board next spring.
  • Cats and dogs

    I've always been leery of people who dislike animals. To my wife and me, a house without dog hair in the corners and a cat perched on the windowsill is as barren as a highway rest stop. We're down to three dogs and two cats, the smallest menagerie we've had for years.

Latest in The Big Picture

Event Calendar

« »

December

S M T W T F S
  1 2
3 4 5 6 7 8 9
10 11 12 13 14 15 16
17 18 19 20 21 22 23
24 25 26 27 28 29 30
31  

Most Viewed

Most Recent Comments

 

© 2017 Arkansas Times | 201 East Markham, Suite 200, Little Rock, AR 72201
Powered by Foundation