Pop quiz 

So let's see if you've been keeping up. How many of these names in the news can you identify correctly?

Dewayne Johnson

1.        Wrestler-actor who is called The Rock.

2.        Bounty hunter-actor who is called The Dog.

3.        Horse trainer who has the most Kentucky Derby victories.

4.        Recent NBA MVP.

Rick Perry

1.        Fool Texas governor who aspires to be Texas president.

2.        Football player nicknamed “The Refrigerator.”

3.        Defense attorney who regularly wiped the floor with Hamilton Burger.

4.        One of the “In Cold Blood” killers.

Elizabeth Dole

1.        Pineapple heiress.

2.        Ex-U.S. senator who's spouse of ex-U.S. senator.

3.        Referring to disbursement of Queen of England's salary.

“The Argentine Firecracker.”

Dick Cheney

1.        Best-known contemporary uninstitutionalized U.S. lunatic.

2.        Marksman most feared by Texas bobwhites.

3.        Model for “Nosferatu” ghoul.

4.        Only recent veep without homo offspring.

Lance Armstrong

1.        “The All-American Boy”

2.        Cycling champ with multiple cancers and juicing asterisks.

3.        Herbert W.'s boy who was the voice of “The World Tomorrow” back when nut talk-radio had some class.

4.        Circular flooring mogul.

Bernie Madoff

1.        First two names of Mayberry deputy Fife

2.        The actor Tony Curtis before he changed his name.

3.        Cadaver host of movie-version weekend beach parties.

4.        Living person of whom the largest number of people who never met him are gladdest they didn't.

Blanche Lincoln

1.        George Burns' and Gracie Allen's next-door neighbor.

2.        Favorite senator of superrich who don't need no stinking estate taxes.

3.                 Whory character in “The Golden Girls.”

4.        Tennessee Williams character who always depended on the kindness of strangers.

Gordon Brown

1.        Imbecile who ran FEMA during Katrina disaster.

2.        Baddest man in the whole damn town of Chicago.

3.        Fave police commissioner of Bruce Wayne and dorky ward.

4.        British PM who walked to the classroom cool and slow and called the English teacher “daddy-o.”

Anderson Cooper

1.        Author of the Leatherstocking Tales.

2.        “The People's Choice,” with the basset hound named Cleo.

3.        Gloria Vanderbilt's boy.

4.        His was only U.S. airliner hijacking case never solved.

Dick Morris

1.        Alter ego of Ernest T. Bass.

2.        Fool political analyst who'd rather order in and suck toes with prostitutes.

3.        Midget “Call for…” bellhop with the cigarette named after him.

4.        Late finicky catfood promoter.

Albert Pujols

1.        Cards' first-sacker tater smacker.

2.        Name popular with sports poets because it rhymes with Lou Holtz.

3.        Jerry Jones' plastic surgeon.

4.        “Fat Albert” TV show was about him.

Al Franken

1.        Entertainer whose name is Italian for “eating hot dogs outdoors.”

2.        Ring Lardner's “You Know Me, Al” written about him.

3.        May get to occupy U.S. Senate seat only after he's elected to second term.

4.        Paul Simon song “You Can Call Me Al” written about him.

Mark Sanford

1.        Laughingstock governor of South Carolina.

2.                 Second-worst recent big-time swindler.

3.        TV junk dealer who was always having “the big one.”

4.        Birth name of famous Dodger pitcher Koufax.

Abu Zubaydah

1.        Guantanamo detainee waterboarded 88 times.

2.        Guantanamo detainee waterboarded 183 times.

3.        Guantanamo detainee waterboarded until it just got to be ridiculous.

4.        Convenience store owner in “The Simpsons.”

Wolf Blitzer

1.        One of Santa's reindeer, usually mentioned eighth.

2.        Grizzled CNN loup garou.

3.        Obama advisor, named for Jack London character.

4.        Cartoon character who huffed, puffed, and blew their houses down.



From the ArkTimes store


Subscribe to this thread:

Add a comment

More by Bob Lancaster

  • Wretched rez

    I had some New Year's Rez(olutions) for 2016 but that ship sailed so I'm renaming them my Spring Rez or my All-Occasion Whatevers and sending them along.
    • May 26, 2016
  • Nod to Bob

    A look back at the weird and wonderful world of Bob Lancaster.
    • Mar 21, 2013
  • On black history

    If you're going to devote an entire month to appreciating the history of a color, it might as well be the color black.
    • Feb 14, 2013
  • More »

Most Shared

Latest in Bob Lancaster

  • Lancaster retires

    Bob Lancaster, one of the Arkansas Times longest and most valued contributors, retired from writing his column last week. We’ll miss his his contributions mightily. Look out, in the weeks to come, for a look back at some of his greatest hits. In the meantime, here's a good place to start.

    • Feb 21, 2013
  • On black history

    If you're going to devote an entire month to appreciating the history of a color, it might as well be the color black.
    • Feb 14, 2013
  • Making it through

    Made it through another January, thank the Lord.
    • Feb 6, 2013
  • More »

Event Calendar

« »


  1 2
3 4 5 6 7 8 9
10 11 12 13 14 15 16
17 18 19 20 21 22 23
24 25 26 27 28 29 30

Most Viewed

  • Money talks

    Democratic candidates face a dilemma in Arkansas. To take on the GOP members who are firmly entrenched in the state Legislature and Congress, they will need lots of money and lots of votes. The easiest way to get more votes is to spend more money. Obscene amounts of money. And thanks to the U.S. Supreme Court's Citizens United decision and President Trump's judicial appointments, this will be our reality for a long time. The six Republicans who make up our congressional delegation have stopped pretending to care about their constituents. They vote in line with the interests of big corporations and lobbyists. They know what side their bread is buttered on.
  • A difference

    How low can a columnist go? On evidence, nowhere near as low as the president of the United States. I'd intended to highlight certain ironies in the career of U.S. Sen. Kirsten Gillibrand (D-N.Y.). The self-anointed moral arbiter of the Senate began her career as a tobacco company lawyer — that is, somebody ill-suited to demand absolute purity of anybody, much less Sen. Al Franken (D-Minn.).
  • Gratitude

    Now, more than ever, I find myself thankful for those who resist. Those who remind us of our higher common values. The fact-checkers and truth-tellers. Those who build bridges in communities instead of walls to segregate. The ones who stand up and speak out against injustice.
  • Silly acts, good law

    It was unavoidable that the struggle by sexual minorities to gain the equal treatment that the Constitution promises them would devolve into silliness and that the majestic courts of the land would have to get their dignity sullied in order to resolve the issues.

Most Recent Comments

  • Re: Cats and dogs

    • I miss my wolves. It has been over five years since the last of my…

    • on December 12, 2017

© 2017 Arkansas Times | 201 East Markham, Suite 200, Little Rock, AR 72201
Powered by Foundation