Favorite

Summer lovin' 

Amazon recently cuy some kind of megalobucks deal that allows it to put up a whole passel of HBO shows that The Observer missed out on the first time because we're too cheap to cough up for primo channels, even if we hadn't cut the cable a few years back.

Between Netflix and Amazon, it's been a good summer so far at The Observatory, the air conditioning unit by the back stoop chugging away as we recline and work our way through shows of old, binge-watching them without commercials or annoying, week-long cliffhangers, both of which are, The Observer contends, tools of Beelzebub and Ol' Splitfoot. The AC man willing, we'll be happily suckling at the plasma teat until the leaves turn in the fall. That's our plan, anyway. Don't judge. Starting soon, we're hitting the gym three nights a week as well, to ward off errant spare tires. Seriously. Starting soon!

Over the past few months, The Observer and our Beloved have finished off "The Office," both seasons of "Orange is the New Black," the newest season of "House of Cards," all the episodes of "Mad Men" we can see without resorting to online electric larceny, and a sizeable chunk of "Lost," up to the point where that show's head finally disappeared wholly up its own ass, the storyline becoming so obviously unruddered that our attention drifted off, like a smoke monster in a stiff breeze.

Such is the joy of the modern age: Watch the whole thing, or some, or none. Infinite choices. Infinite possibilities. It's all a Buck Rogers fantasy for a kid who grew up in the Age of Three Channels. We tried to historize Junior the other day about the fact that — once upon a time — there would come a moment every night when the National Anthem would play, jet fighters would rocket across the screen and then the TV would just go to frustrating snow, the owners of the stations confident in the fact that all the righteous folks were safe and sound in their bowers and to hell with the rest of 'em.

We don't think Junior quite believed it, this boy who has grown up in The Age of Neverbored.

Right now, The Observer and Spouse are working our way through the HBO show "Deadwood." Pretty fabulous so far, by the way. It's set in 1870-something in North Dakota, in what appears to be a town made of mud, dung, chaw spit and desperation. Good thing technology hasn't progressed to the point of Smell-o-Vision yet. The people there in their toadstool-damp hovels are a hearty but sullen lot. They use the most sailorific and colorful curse words to a degree that's sometimes shocking even for The Observer, who learned to cuss before learning to crawl. [Expletive deleted]sucker appears to be the show's universal noun, adjective and, often, verb.

On the show, some [expletive deleted]sucker or other is always getting shot, stabbed, choked, beaten senseless or fed to the pigs of a Chinese man named Wu. Everybody who ain't instantly and violently transmogrified into pig chow upon stepping off the stagecoach has some affliction or other that's slowly killing them, from bloody flux to brain tumor, and the town doctor's art appears to stop at "don't look at it" which is — we assume — pretty close to how it really was back in them days. In the latest episode we watched, the doc spent a sizeable portion of the episode repeatedly probing a man's inner spaces and secret hollows with a dingy, impossibly long pair of needle-nosed pliers, excavating for a kidney stone. Yes, it's that kind of program.

Every time we watch that show, The Observer can't help but thank whatever force that deigned we should have been born here in the glorious future, as opposed to that lamp-lit and flush-toiletless hell. The Observer likes it here, with the pharmacies full of antibiotics, a hospital up the road were they can do more than Good-Lord-Willing our injuries and ailments, popsicles in the coolerator, and a corner store three blocks away full of cold beer.

Our dear, departed Pa, a man of harsh upbringing, taught Yours Truly how to live in the cold, cruel, mud-over-the-tops-of-your-boots world. We have no doubt that as a younger man, we could have hacked it in Deadwood until the smallpox or a cleavage-stowed derringer took us down. But The Observer must admit, we're getting soft in our golden years. What's worse, we've come to love it there on our divan, never straying far from 74 degrees. The oldest of old saws looks to be The Observer's lot from here on out: too light for heavy work, too heavy for light work. Best we can do at this point is try not to lose the remote.

Favorite

From the ArkTimes store

Comments

Showing 1-1 of 1

Add a comment

 
Subscribe to this thread:
Showing 1-1 of 1

Add a comment

Readers also liked…

  • I'm sorry

    I'm sorry we stood by while your generation's hope was smothered by $1.3 trillion in student loan debt, just because you were trying to educate yourselves enough to avoid falling for the snake oil and big talk of a fascist.
    • Nov 17, 2016
  • Show and tell

    The Observer is an advocate of the A+ method of integrating the arts and using creativity to teach across the curriculum, an approach that the Thea Foundation, with help from the Windgate Charitable Foundation, is offering to schools across the state.
    • Feb 25, 2016
  • Yawp

    The Observer has been in a funk lately for a number of reasons: revulsions and slights, both foreign and domestic. We get that way most years as the winter drags on, once the tinsel and colored lights of Christmas drop into the rearview, soon after we come off the New Year's Day hangover.
    • Mar 24, 2016

Most Shared

  • Workers stiffed

    How is it going with the great experiment to make the Republican Party the champion of the sons and daughters of toil instead of the oligarchs of wealth and business?
  • O'Reilly's fall

    Whom the gods would destroy, they first make TV stars.

Latest in The Observer

  • At the roadblock

    Dusk comes to the State Police roadblock on Arkansas Highway 388, about a half-mile from the Cummins Unit, where two men will be put to death tonight. A cool spring evening here, the broad acre of Delta dirt near the turnoff to the prison as manicured as a golf course, other than the occasional fire ant mound, which the reporters step around like landmines.
    • Apr 27, 2017
  • Snapshots from an execution

    The Observer stood in front of the Governor's Mansion on Monday night in a periodic drizzle, waiting on the U.S. Supreme Court to rule on whether a man would die, not knowing there would be no execution that night.
    • Apr 20, 2017
  • The chair

    The Observer's pal and former colleague, a dedicated Deputy Observer, ran across the following piece of writing while cleaning out an online folder to make room for still more of the snippets and starts and literary flotsam and jetsam that seem to pile up around a writer like snowdrifts.
    • Apr 13, 2017
  • More »

Visit Arkansas

Fishing the Diamond Lakes of Arkansas

Fishing the Diamond Lakes of Arkansas

Arkansas angler and fishing expert Billy Murray shares his extensive knowledge of the Diamond Lakes of Arkansas

Event Calendar

« »

April

S M T W T F S
  1
2 3 4 5 6 7 8
9 10 11 12 13 14 15
16 17 18 19 20 21 22
23 24 25 26 27 28 29
30  

Most Viewed

Most Recent Comments

  • Re: Eye for an eye

    • It seem evident that the death penalty is not a deterrent to any specified abborant…

    • on April 27, 2017
 

© 2017 Arkansas Times | 201 East Markham, Suite 200, Little Rock, AR 72201
Powered by Foundation