Favorite

Summer resolutions 

The Observer likes making resolutions at New Year's. We don't manage to keep any of them other than the one we always start with — "Stay Above Ground" — but we do like making them. Gives us something to aspire to, and at this point in our life, we need all the aspiration we can get. Summer is coming on quickly, the cool nights bleeding into 85-degree days. Before you know it, it'll be so gatdamn hot that wienerdogs will warp in the noonday sun, the skyscapers downtown will wilt perceptibly toward the shadiest horizon, and President Trump will be asking Russkie prostitutes to pee on him not out of any sort of fetishy weirdness, but simply for the cooling effect. The winter was too mild to kill off the hordes of ticks, so our weather elbow and the Farmer's Almanac we keep by the john is telling us it's gonna be a hot one.

This summer, we're gonna get to the lake more, to drink in both nature's beauty and the incalculable glory of a drunk dude in American flag swim trunks saying, "Welp, time to go to the bathroom!" before wading into the water up to his waist and then standing there for 30 seconds while he returns his Pabst to whence it came, the look on his face like he had a stroke while simultaneously discovering fire. We Observed that one on the beach at DeGray Lake last year, friends and neighbors. We gave it a few weeks before venturing back into the water, but still think of him every time another swimming area is closed due to E. coli.

This summer, we're gonna sell a kidney to get one of those Yeti coolers, the cooler that already weighs a ton before you put the ice and beer and hot dogs in it, and which costs so much that it would literally be cheaper to buy a refrigerator and a generator to power it, then lash the whole thing to the mast of your party barge with ratchet straps. Yeah, the fridge route might look weird, but it's no muss, no fuss, and no questions from your friends about why you're dumb enough to pay $1,299 (no, that's not a typo, that's what the top-of-the-line Yeti costs) for a space-age super-cooler when ice is like, two bucks a bag. Our advice: Just admit that wanting a Yeti is the bro-quivalent of women lusting after a Hermes Birkin bag. In both cases, there's no possible way the thing could actually be worth what it's selling for, which means what you're actually buying is the opportunity to conspicuously display how much you can afford to spend on something utterly pointless.

This summer, we're gonna hit up the Cajun Sno place in Hillcrest more, if the asshats who recently vandalized the place and forced it to shutter for a few days can secure gainful employment and quit making life demonstrably worse for the rest of us. Frozen water doused with sticky syrup can't be good for The Observer, but damned if it ain't fine on a summer night, us spooning it up in the heat with Spouse nearby, joggers and bikers zipping past sugary temptation, folks out walking their dogs in the dusk, kids dancing from foot to foot on the plank stoop of the sno-cone trailer while they wait for their Ninja Turtle or Rainbow or Wedding Cake to emerge from the window. We need more of that this summer.

Most of all this summer, we're just going to remember to remember more, to breathe more and to smell more: the yellow waft of the August heat in high grass; happy dogs emerging from ponds and lakes and kiddie pools out on the lawn; the smell of hot asphalt; the smell of fresh-cut watermelon on a picnic table; the smell of the rare rainstorm on warm ground, a smell so distinct and beautiful that it actually has a name: petrichor.

May you find your share of petrichor this summer, my friend. It's gonna be hot. But it's gonna be a good one. We can feel it in our winter-weary bones.

Favorite

From the ArkTimes store

Comments

Subscribe to this thread:

Add a comment

Readers also liked…

  • I'm sorry

    I'm sorry we stood by while your generation's hope was smothered by $1.3 trillion in student loan debt, just because you were trying to educate yourselves enough to avoid falling for the snake oil and big talk of a fascist.
    • Nov 17, 2016
  • Show and tell

    The Observer is an advocate of the A+ method of integrating the arts and using creativity to teach across the curriculum, an approach that the Thea Foundation, with help from the Windgate Charitable Foundation, is offering to schools across the state.
    • Feb 25, 2016
  • Yawp

    The Observer has been in a funk lately for a number of reasons: revulsions and slights, both foreign and domestic. We get that way most years as the winter drags on, once the tinsel and colored lights of Christmas drop into the rearview, soon after we come off the New Year's Day hangover.
    • Mar 24, 2016

Most Shared

  • So much for a school settlement in Pulaski County

    The Arkansas Democrat-Gazette's Cynthia Howell got the scoop on what appears to be coming upheaval in the Pulaski County School District along with the likely end of any chance of a speedy resolution of school desegregation issues in Pulaski County.
  • Riverfest calls it quits

    The board of directors of Riverfest, Arkansas's largest and longest running music festival, announced today that the festival will no longer be held. Riverfest celebrated itsĀ 40th anniversary in June. A press release blamed competition from other festivals and the rising cost of performers fees for the decision.
  • Football for UA Little Rock

    Andrew Rogerson, the new chancellor at UA Little Rock, has decided to study the cost of starting a major college football team on campus (plus a marching band). Technically, it would be a revival of football, dropped more than 60 years ago when the school was a junior college.
  • Turn to baseball

    When the world threatens to get you down, there is always baseball — an absorbing refuge, an alternate reality entirely unto itself.

Latest in The Observer

  • Dumb and smart, at the same time

    The Observer spent the week at a bar and thought a lot about a joke and its writer.
    • Jul 20, 2017
  • -30-

    A newspaper died up in Atkins a few weeks back, not with a bang or a whimper, but with the sound of change jingling in a pocket, just too little of it to keep the printing presses rolling.
    • Jul 13, 2017
  • Does she know?

    Did Kim Walker-Smith, when recording "Throne Room" for her new record "On My Side," truly understand the power of her music? Does she now know that her song was the one that played on the radio as Michael Reed thumped into the Ten Commandments monument on the state Capitol grounds and brought it on down?
    • Jul 6, 2017
  • More »

Event Calendar

« »

July

S M T W T F S
  1
2 3 4 5 6 7 8
9 10 11 12 13 14 15
16 17 18 19 20 21 22
23 24 25 26 27 28 29
30 31  

Most Viewed

Most Recent Comments

 

© 2017 Arkansas Times | 201 East Markham, Suite 200, Little Rock, AR 72201
Powered by Foundation