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The Moon is a mythical river 

Or the cash, either:

"This year's flooding was severe along the Ohio River, as well, but it didn't receive the widespread attention that the Mississippi River flooding did. 'The Ohio River is not a mythical river,' Welky theorized. 'It just doesn't have the cache that the Mississippi has.' "

He'll be even more wizened when he gets out:

"An inmate who asked a judge to tack on an extra three years to his 30-year sentence, bringing his total sentence to 33 years in honor of Larry Bird, now regrets that decision. [Bird wore number 33 on the basketball court.] 'Now that I have to do that time, yes I do,' Eric Torpy said. 'I kind of wished that I had 30 instead of 33. Recently I've wizened up.' "

Crime and cassation:

After Amanda Knox was freed by an Italian court, the Associated Press reported that "Prosecutors said they would appeal to the nation's highest criminal court, the Court of Cassation, after reading the court's reasoning, due out within 90 days." Cassation is "annulment, cancellation, reversal."

Pundit wars:

A pundit wrote, "All of this can be executed with all hat and no saddle, which is a Texas metaphor for looking as if you could ride a horse even if you've never been astride one." A fellow pundit, quick to find fault, as pundits are, writes "I think the phrase is all hat and no cattle." I think Pundit 2 is correct. Or is it all horse without a paddle?

Borne out of wedlock:

"Officials at the Health Department don't buy the argument that business suffers when people can't smoke in bars and other places. They say that is born out in a March 2010 study commissioned by the Northwest Arkansas Tobacco Free Coalition."

(Since writing the above item, I've discovered that some dictionaries accept born as a past participle of bear. They can write their own columns.)

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