Favorite

The Observer, Nov. 19 

The Observer has discovered the Cloak of Invisibility. On at least three occasions last week we were waiting for the walk signal at a downtown intersection so we could cross the street. Once we got the signal, we began to walk. It was amazing. Drivers continued to turn as if we were not even there! They could not see us ... we were invisible! (A dream of ours since childhood, we decided to try out public groping while under the Cloak. But, apparently, the Cloak of Invisibility only works while crossing traffic.) We've noticed that it works for others, too. Try it out. Go to any River Market area intersection, wait for the walk signal and start crossing the street. You'll be amazed! Drivers won't see you. (We strongly recommend against the groping, though.) While invisibility is very enticing, we'd prefer not to be a speed bump. If anybody knows how to remove the cloak or anyway to see the invisible, we'd love for you to share it.

 

In that grumpy vein, we'll also complain that the “tennis soccer” players are back, and as slow-witted as ever.

Six young men and women showed up at a Little Rock tennis complex last week with a soccer ball and proceeded to kick the ball back and forth to one another on one of the courts, slamming the ball into the net on their misses. Never mind they weren't wearing court shoes.

Since one of the nets is already held together with tape, thanks to a slender parks budget, the pro who gives lessons at the court was understandably upset. She asked the six twentysomethings not to play soccer on the tennis courts and explained why. A. It's a tennis court, not a soccer court. B. The nets aren't made to withstand kicked soccer balls. How long would a taut soccer goal last?

Explanations fell on deaf ears and mute mouths. The only response at first was a blank stare. Perhaps these young adults were simple. Definitely they were rude. One of them finally said, “We'll take that into consideration next time we play.” Huh?

“Tennis soccer” first reared its insolent head several years ago, at Allsopp Park. There, several grown men wouldn't allow kids to play tennis on the one court available.

There's nothing wrong with “tennis soccer.” It looks fun; it's apparently a training exercise for real soccer. But there is something wrong with rude people who don't care if they're ruining city property. “Tennis soccer” players should call the city parks department (371-4770) and ask that a net be stretched across a soccer field. And hope that tennis players don't commandeer their “court.”

 

The Observer received an e-mailed photograph of a honking big snake from a friend. The friend captioned the picture, “2 foot copperhead run over in my driveway by UPS truck.”

He added, “What can Brown do for you?”

 

Recently, The Observer had to say goodbye to our old Ford pick'em-up truck, which had carried us many a mile. Though we had hoped it would carry us many a mile more, a broken fan belt last summer led to a bout of overheating, which lead to either a cracked head or a blown head gasket. Knowing that the front end was also in need of major overhaul and not wishing to see if our long-dormant grease monkeying skills were still up to snuff, we decided it was time to send the old girl off to truck heaven.

To replace the truck, we decided to get something much more economical, in the form of a used Honda CRV. Spouse thinks it's “cute.”

Our only worry was that The Observer is a weekend tinkerer, and Old Blue was useful for hauling lumber. Recently, a friend asked us to whoop up a prop for an upcoming production of “A Christmas Carol.” Problem is, it was going to take quite a bit of goodies to build it. Not to worry, a fellow CRV pilot told us: she can take it, Captain. Unconvinced, off to Home Depot we went.

To our surprise, when all was said and done and the seats were folded flat, we managed to get a 32-by-80-inch hollow core door, four eight-foot two-by fours, and a sheet of 1/4 inch plywood (cut in two) into our tiny Honda with all the doors and windows all shut. There was even room for Yours Truly to steer.

We miss our truck, but the new Observatory sure is a hungry little cuss and we're getting 26 miles to the gallon (!) to boot. We're seriously thinking about forgiving Japan for the whole “Starting the War in the Pacific” thing.

 

 

Favorite

Sign up for the Daily Update email

Comments

Subscribe to this thread:

Add a comment

More by Arkansas Times Staff

Readers also liked…

  • I'm sorry

    I'm sorry we stood by while your generation's hope was smothered by $1.3 trillion in student loan debt, just because you were trying to educate yourselves enough to avoid falling for the snake oil and big talk of a fascist.
    • Nov 17, 2016
  • The sweet hereafter

    This week, the Arkansas Times falls back on that oldest of old chestnuts: a recipe issue. Being who we are, of course, we had to put a twist on that; namely, the fact that most of the recipes you'll find in these pages are courtesy of people who have shuffled off to that great kitchen in the sky, where the Good Lord is always whipping up new things in his toque and apron, running the great mixers of genetics and time, maybe presenting the batter-dipped beaters and bowls to Jesus for a lick down.
    • Dec 8, 2016
  • On Walmart and state money

    No they don't need state help. Any conservative legislator who is true to their tea party principles will crow on about crony capitalism. I look forward to deafening silence.
    • Sep 21, 2017

Latest in The Observer

  • Matriculation

    Soon after this issue hits the stands all over town, Junior will join that proud mass of Americans in possession of a high school diploma, having graduated from what in his eyes is the best high school on earth: Little Rock Central.
    • May 24, 2018
  • The dreamer

    It's 5 a.m. as The Observer writes this, and we're still shaking a bit from the adrenaline of the dream.
    • May 17, 2018
  • Mystery

    The Observer's pal Mr. Photographer is the hardest working man in show business, a one-man operation who handles photography for not only the Arkansas Times but several other publications publicated by the Arkansas Times, plus freelancing and concerts and product photography and probably a secret trove of brilliant and soon-to-be-world-renowned mime portraits that will only be discovered when they lay him in the clay.
    • May 10, 2018
  • More »

Most Viewed

Most Recent Comments

 

© 2018 Arkansas Times | 201 East Markham, Suite 200, Little Rock, AR 72201
Powered by Foundation