Favorite

Their signs 

Bill Engvall's comedy routine about dumb people is one of The Observer's favorites. For example: He pulls into a gas station with a flat tire and the attendant asks, "Flat tire?" No, Engvall says, the other three just suddenly swelled up. So what Engvall would suggest is that stupid people wear a sign saying they're stupid. Then he gives more examples of stupidity, all followed by what he'd say to those folks: "Here's your sign."

Lately, a lot of Republicans, in and out of Arkansas, have been going around without their signs.

Idaho Republican Rep. Vito Barbieri could have been part of Engvall's routine. Back in February, while speaking in favor of an anti-abortion bill during a legislative hearing, Barbieri asked a doctor if a woman could swallow a camera so her physician could remotely check on the progress of her pregnancy. Here's a man with three children who thinks what goes in the mouth comes out the vagina. Here's your sign, Mr. Barbieri. And you can relax now about that, er, oral intimacy, with your wife.

Then there are some Arkansas Republicans. Their impaired thinking is less funny, since what they've put into law could actually threaten a woman's health. Like the new laws on medical abortion. One requires doctors to ignore evidence accumulated by doctors over many years and prescribe the abortive medicine at a dosage much higher than was originally thought necessary. Lower dosage, safer medicine — that's how it works, Rep. Lanny Fite. Why is the law written like that? Who knows? Surely it's not that lawmakers think it's OK to overdose women? Mr. Fite, here's your sign.

Stupider than Fite's contribution to how things are done in Arkansas: Our new law that requires the state Health Department, despite the fact that it is supposed to be a source of credible information on health care, to advise women that they can reverse a medical abortion. This is utterly without research to back it up, and again, perhaps dangerous. Rep. Robin Lundstrum, stick to selling real estate. Sen. Jim Hendren, stick with plastics. Otherwise, here are your signs.

Now comes Texas Republican Rep. Matt Schaefer of Tyler. He's offered an amendment to a Texas bill to outlaw abortion after 20 weeks that would require a woman to carry a fetus even if it "has a severe and irreversible abnormality." When asked why he might require such a terrible — and possibly fatal to the mother — law, he said suffering is "part of the human condition, since sin entered the world." Wait till Arkansas legislators hear this one! Schaefer still hasn't forgiven Eve. It was her fault. Hey, Rep. Shaefer: Here's your sign, and it says I'm stupid and I'm mean.

What is happening here? Is it a lack of sex education? (Or, in the case of Barbieri, basic anatomy?) Former Missouri Rep. Todd Akin: In the case of "legitimate rape, the female body has ways to try to shut that thing down." Republican donor Foster Friess: "Back in my day we used Bayer aspirin for contraception, the gals put it between their knees and it wasn't that costly." Conservative commentator Dana Loesch, who said women shouldn't object to forced transvaginal ultrasounds since the sex they had that produced their unwanted pregnancy was "similar." Rush Limbaugh, calling a reproductive rights activist a "slut."

And our own Mike Huckabee, candidate for president, who said rape shouldn't be reason for abortion since the child conceived after rape might be "extraordinary."

Here's your sign, Mike! Add it to your other ones, the ones you earned when you said that women who use birth control "cannot control their libidos"! That America had aborted more than a million people that could have been in the workforce!

And that stuff about gay people, Mike. Really. They won't be satisfied until they've stamped out Christianity? That "homosexuality and pedophilia to sadomasochism and necrophilia" are "publicly endorsed ... aberrations"? What world are you living in?

We're starting the press, now that you're on the campaign trail. More signs to come!

Favorite

Sign up for the Daily Update email

Comments

Subscribe to this thread:

Add a comment

Readers also liked…

  • I'm sorry

    I'm sorry we stood by while your generation's hope was smothered by $1.3 trillion in student loan debt, just because you were trying to educate yourselves enough to avoid falling for the snake oil and big talk of a fascist.
    • Nov 17, 2016
  • The sweet hereafter

    This week, the Arkansas Times falls back on that oldest of old chestnuts: a recipe issue. Being who we are, of course, we had to put a twist on that; namely, the fact that most of the recipes you'll find in these pages are courtesy of people who have shuffled off to that great kitchen in the sky, where the Good Lord is always whipping up new things in his toque and apron, running the great mixers of genetics and time, maybe presenting the batter-dipped beaters and bowls to Jesus for a lick down.
    • Dec 8, 2016
  • On Walmart and state money

    No they don't need state help. Any conservative legislator who is true to their tea party principles will crow on about crony capitalism. I look forward to deafening silence.
    • Sep 21, 2017

Latest in The Observer

  • If

    If you can, cast your mind back to when you were very young and recall what it felt like to be separated from your mother and father.
    • Jun 14, 2018
  • Searching for Archie

    The Observer doesn't watch a lot of TV unless it's the killer robots on "Westworld" or the killer sexyfolk on "Game of Thrones." We did, however, want to weigh in on the "Roseanne" horse puckey. You're already turning the page, aren't you? Stay thy hand and stay awhile, traveler. This might be, dare we say it, important.
    • Jun 7, 2018
  • Self-reliance

    We swore last week would be the final graduation story, but permit us one last one, for old-time's sake.
    • May 31, 2018
  • More »

Most Viewed

  • If

    If you can, cast your mind back to when you were very young and recall what it felt like to be separated from your mother and father.

Most Recent Comments

  • Re: Ruth Coker Burks, the cemetery angel

    • If there was anybody who deserves to be put up for Sainthood more than St…

    • on June 17, 2018
  • Re: If

    • This took me to church. This is what I beseech my friends to do. Thank…

    • on June 16, 2018
  • Re: If

    • Thank you, David.

    • on June 16, 2018
 

© 2018 Arkansas Times | 201 East Markham, Suite 200, Little Rock, AR 72201
Powered by Foundation