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  • Musing over Miss Arkansas

    Welcome to crowning night, the highlight of the 75th Miss Arkansas pageant. General admission will run you about $30, but the best seats are reserved for press. They line the runway, affording reach-out-and-touch proximity to visibly quaking calves, tear-streaked, make-up muddied faces and the occasional glimpse of Spanx-clad thighs.
    • Jul 18, 2012
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Re: “Musing over Miss Arkansas

Gee, gosh golly, some of us "Silly"folks did actually read this piece, you poor bewildered little thang. You think as we just gulped down our first beer of the day, got through the title and the two first couple of lines and skipped up to the end of the article, wiped our butt with it, as ya know, toilet tissue does make us have to go to Wal Mart or dare even Target or even somewhere's more that what you think us Pageant peeps did, to just hop off our fruity tootie booties just to waste our time passionately attacking your lack of silly class. Us "Pageant Folks?" Why did YOU of all people go cover a pageant? Did you volunteer? Did ya beg to go do it because your some closet pervert and since you knew you'd never be close enough, or I suppose, well-off enough to pay that 30 dollars, or too short to get to the front, maybe you, or who, your boss, decided you, you of all people, should cover the Pageant. Not being a pageant folk type, ya self. As you said, in your defense of yourself. You think we just maybe read the first line and the last line and then took the time out of our day to actually write a comment. Hell, then half of us would have to go get out our damn dictionaries. Just fer the spellin'. I mean, gosh, lady, have some real lady balls. Have some lady-like class. Why don't you start off with what your perception of what the perfect modern day woman should be and what she should be doing to advance herself on a daily basis. I mean, honey-pie, sweetie-pie, sugar-foot, gosh, don't defend yourself NOW! As the saying goes, that ship has sailed. And yet, here you start off with asking the readers if they actually read the article. No. No honey. We just pretended to live in your world, just like you said, we just skipped the bigger words in the article and kinda read the first and last sentence. That's what we pageant people do. We just guess. That's right. They and we just guessed. They, like yourself, with some of your liberal use of "factual info" just simply read the first lines and guessed. That MUST be it. I'm thinking maybe you were once a detective. I mean, really, a really, really, bad, terrible, detective. Wait. That means you'd have to be a police woman first? Nerds that dance, don't usually cut it as lady cops. Just on TV. Okay, excuse me, miss writer lady, I just had me notion there for a second that was wrong....No okay, let's go back to your an essayist. Kinda writing good stuff, kinda writing bad stuff. Just kinda writing Fluff. Not fluffer. I wouldn't expect you to want to guess what that means to whom ever reads this. I mean it means a lot of different things, excuse me, thangs, to different people. To pageant folk, I'm thinking a fluffer is a super nice hair thing- ma-do that you use to make your hair get bigger again, after you sweat your ass off, so that you don't have to hot roll your hair again.
I mean have you even hot-rolled your hair? Try it. It sucks. But maybe you should just have entered the damn pageant. Now that would have been a really, really, great article. I'm not sure if you could....enter the pageant. I don't know how old you are, or if you've already graduated the fine institute you graduated from....which was? I mean, since your fond of bagging on others, why don't you write a biopic. I feel good piece 'bout yourself. Your bad habits. Wait, gosh, you nerdy types don't have bad habits, I did forget. Your just pretty damn perfect. Oh wait, my ideas come, they are slow, but they do trickle into my head when I'm not reading a full article in the Times. What I was gonna suggest, sweetie pie, maybe talk about your own humble pie upbringing. Ya know, stuff like that. Maybe not, that may be way too revealing for you. But think, think of the sympathy you could garner.
Oh shoot, my wife, I am a lesbian, but that's neither here nor there, my wife, that's what I call her....that is...she has a real neato idea for you...And you are gonna love this one because my girl/wife reads actual books. And not just romance novels and the Hollywood rag mags...get this, She actually read your article to me. That's what a good woman does, let you sit and have a beer, while she does the reading and the bills and cooks, in a cute outfit, of course, but I do think like a piggy man pageant person type. But here's her idea...This should be a better time consuming thing for you then a half-ass rebuttal to an article that enraged most readers, well except in your eyes, the readers didn't actually read the article to begin with. Silly readers, I mean silly pretend readers. Ok, Perhaps, you just thought most of the state, cain't read or write well enough. Oh right, back to the idea for your next lady's getting mad at me because I'm a "chicken pecker" (no that's not a dirty comment) it just means I never formally learned to type, but alls I did was barely complete high school and that's just because my shop teacher thought I was a doll. I was a doll. You should have seen me in high school. Ok. So, just so my lady shuts up, and stops yelling at me to get off her computer...she says, Just don't cover any story that contains anything to do with WOMEN in general. I agree with the fact you should spend more time helping out and commenting and writing your essays on something other than women. Women seem to get to you. They just do. It's rather obvious. I mean, heck, I just admitted, women really get to me. I mean, they do. So, how about men. They like women. Well, most of them. We're not gonna open the can of worms about men that like men. I'll leave that one to you too. Maybe you want to pick on Homosexuals next. Maybe that could elicit some really awesome, redneck love,love, love, your article Cheree! But I think you should pick Vietnam Vets. Heck, any War Vet. Pick a vet. Not a veteranarian. I ain't busting out the dictionary to spell that right,...You know, a war vet. Pick an Old tough man. Pick a man that has fought a battle. Not a man that didn't see active combat. He might not threaten you at first. He might even invoke that sympathy or empathy button that lies deep inside your "heart?"
Maybe sitting and talking to a seasoned War Vet, that is missing a limb or two, or has so many numerous health problems to even mention, would be a great test for your "snark". Let's see you do a piece on a person who is really down and out. Let's see how your snippy comments go there. Are you gonna bag on their missing limb? Are you gonna bag on their spanx? You could bag on the fact they are gonna die soon. Now that will make some people think this pageant piece is so just silly. Oh wait, they don't wear spanx. Are you gonna try to get a living WWII vet? There out there somewhere. But start with the older vets. They pretty much had to do some pretty brave stuff. Not that the younger ones haven't but I'm thinking they will be around if you want to do a part TWO. I think everyone could agree with at. Heck even pageant people understand that someone has to be out there protecting the people that like pageants. Maybe your starter question with these older male Vets should be if they like pageants or not. Maybe if they enjoyed them back in the day when they weren't getting killed. I bet they'd have quite a take on pageants that would be more interesting than yours, but I'm guessing again, darn me. Perhaps, these old proud, as they should be, tough as nails dudes, maybe they will find you very, very, very, very, cute. As you sit next to their hospital bed. As I suggest starting out with the oldest remaining living Veteran you can find. Sit next to the old soldier. Sit there and ask important questions. I'm sure the people commenting on this article could write you some decent questions to ask at this very, unglamourous event of sitting your ass in some Vet's hospital room and guess what, You won't even need a press pass to get close to these guys. Just a smile, and try some general politeness. Maybe even you should dress as a nurse. I mean, come on, what's wrong with giving a dying Veteran a dying wish. Perhaps bust out a tap dance, sing a little, try not to be appalled when they want to tell you the gory details. Try not to cry. That at least, shouldn't be hard for ya, right. Cryings for babies and pageant girls, right? Then try your hardest to ask some important questions. I suggest just letting the actual readers of the times come up with the questions so that it doens't turn into an essay about what grosses you out about or what is so silly about War Vets. Ya know, basic stuff....
When did you join the fight, war? What made you enlist besides the draft, the lack of ability to doge the draft etc. Keep in mind this is for the older vets. That's the ones I'd like you to start with personally, that way you can really keep it real, and convince the state of Arkansas that you are actually a half way decent person, instead of half-ass defending your little fluffy opinion of the pageant system. I mean for god sakes, how did you get through college? Were you on scholarship? Did your momma and daddy just pay for it? Did you work? Poor you, I mean thank god, you were never "reduced" in your opinion to even have to think about entering a pageant with those non-reading pageant types. And since you are a professed dance snob nerd, where and when can we, the reading, non-reading types of the times see your next performance. You know, dancing. I'd personally love to see you bust a move on the dance floor. I bet you tear it down. To dulcimer music of course. Now finally my dear, do you detect snark here? I hope, you don't. Because maybe, you just don't know you have it. Ya know like a disease. Like a snark disease. Again, stick with men. They are easy. They might hit on you and before you know it, you'll blush and giggle like the rest of those silly, silly pageant girls. Well, that was just my wife's idea. Best of luck to you.
I'm sure you are honest and forthcoming and tell the truth all the time. I'm sure you stare down your nose at shorter people and at least think, wow! now they are actually super duper short. I mean isn't that what nerdy types do? Perhaps you should just fill the state in on your idea of a perfect woman or your idea of a perfect nerdy woman.
But that's my idea. My lady says, your a lady-killer, and not in the good-looking guy that loves them and leaves them type lady-killer... Ok. I'm bout to read the first sentence in another article on this here uh, website as my wifey gets bent if I surf too much stuff about ladies wearing hard hats carrying hammers. You know, women! You think writing about the hot ones are hard.....try dating them. Get em girl, get those vets, with that snark. I cain't wait for you to call them War Vets silly next. That should be as they say, off the da chain. Can't, I mean, cain't wait. But make that first sentence a doosey. So I can read the whole thing next time as this reply took me five hours to write. That way, if me or any body else actually reads the entire article, we'll just be way too exhausted by all that reading to actually comment. Can't wait, maybe they'll be dumb enough to fly you out to cover a NYC model run-way type event next. Wow. That should be really, really crazy times.
War Vets or supermodels? What ever you think Arkansans won't jump down your butt for. ya know?

3 likes, 1 dislike
Posted by TheSlimJane on 07/31/2012 at 3:23 AM

Re: “Musing over Miss Arkansas

I'm not surprised to read such an obvious cry for attention from a aspiring "journalist" who observes that one contestant "clearly enjoys the spotlight." I guess Cheree has to this point, truly missed her spotlight of any kind. She did, from I read on the Internet, find that out she worked once as a P.A. (production assistant) on a short film. Working on the short film as a P.A. probably prodded her little green monster really begin to unleash itself fully....I speculate there on the short fim, working in her role as a P.A. even though her Official position on the film as it is first listed on the Internet Movie Database or as having the position of a "Miscellaneous Crew" person, but having to to wait hand and foot on the cast and crew, but mostly attend the needs and requests of the cast and the higher-ups, and keep in mind, the higher-ups being EVERYONE else on the set, as working as a P.A. on any movie set, requires and demands strong intestinal fortitude and solid self-esteem, as it is truly a soul crushing experience, because it is the "starter job" of the film world on the crew side, and the "mail room" job of corporate world, and of the journalism or publishing world. I have been told that working as a P.A. makes one feel, makes even the most confident, grounded, mentally stable person feel really unimportant and there on that set, and working that particular job must have really began to set Cheree off on her start to gossiping, gawking at, smugly judging and finally moving up into trying to be a professional and snarky journalist or a snarky yet ignorant and one-sided judge of events or people she knows truly nothing about. She got the indulgence to get a press pass so she could stand a mere couple of feet from the tanned and beautiful, and much taller women, as Cheree is short. Her article about the pageant had a useless and smug reference to how she was allowed such close proximaty to the young ladies, as well as making the reader understand that she, Cheree sid not have to pay the price of admission while allowing her to be so close to these "sorority girls" as she calls them. These ladies who had the courage to allow themselves to be judged in hopes of acquiring scholarship money or whatever their reason may have been. For whatever it's worth, she failed to recognize their courage to be judged at all. Maybe while standing right next to the beauty contestants tanned and perfected looks, she had another uncontrollable pang of jealousy. I can only speculate, as maybe she just had a Vietnam-like flashbck to her days on the short film on which she had to fetch things for the "beautiful, talented or skilled important people" as being a P.A. is really a fancy way to describe a "Go-For", as the duties include getting meals, or holding someone important person's phone, or having to go drive and pick up meals, or making photo copies, or simply stand and guard an actor's trailer aka portable room while they did their thing, and being bossed around by the actors, while they were primped and fussed over, or in terms of the actual crew, grabbing them coffee, as they had an actual important job on the film that required a "skill"....since Cheree's job on that short film only required fetching things and being bossed around, I can certainly and boldly speculate, that she most likely felt like she was an unimportant nobody, working most likely for free or so she could consider if she could hack it as an actress, was clearly a ego-crushing experience . So then perhaps, after having her P.A. flashback and now knowing her place was not to be in the actual spotlight on a stage or film, she became truly overcome with pure envy and jealousy. Or at least that's what I speculate happened. I am a female, and have many times been overcome with jealousy. If you claim to have never been jealous of anyone or anything, you are either not a human being or a liar.
After all, in her boring article about the Miss U of A pageant, while bagging on the talent portion of the show, she revealed she was a "dance snob", so, and at least here I will speculate about Cheree's actual mental problems, as I nor she can truly "know" anything about these girls as one commenter mentioned, she failed to actually interview the young ladies themselves, but there she sat at the pageant, likely thinking or more like fantasizing that she was a better, more skilled, and certainly more original and talented dancer. Well, and thinking if her legs were a bit longer and she had been cursed with moxie to due her hair, that she too, could have been up there winning the "silly" pageant.
She also showed her true ignorance of the pageant swimsuit rules as she bitched about repetitive styles of look alike swimwear. This revealed her as a true pageant rube and revealed she not only didn't she understand the pageant system in general itself, nor did she have any interest in the stories of these young ladies or any insight as to why and how they got into pageant system at all. Besides asking the one girl about it, I can only speculate she
Thought the ladies to all just be vain attention-seeking spotlight junkies....besides, of course, most ironically, revealing herself for having the desire to be in the actual spotlight and to compliment herself as being "nerdy." Well, in general, nerdish dance snobs who were perhaps too short, too threatened by hair that has been bleached blonde, or ignorant of the fact that some lucky girls have beauty and brains or don't face the reality of she herself being jealous or untalented or just didn't have the tenacity to stick it out in the cut throat side of the talent side of showbiz should just stick to being, perhaps, miscelleous crew members on short films. Or perhaps not write articles that are in actuality about themselves. Talk about self-absorbed. There are mental tanning beds that you can lay inside of for too long, where you fry your wee imagination into thinking and justifying putting down why a woman would enter a pageant. And finally, who cares about who you thought should win the pageant? You know nothing of pageants and you really told the readers nothing new except to reveal you lack confidence, don't get all the facts right, don't present all sides of an issue and are threatened by blondes in general. Why don't you just stick to book club type issues or stories about pure nerdish glee. Surely, you yourself, professing to be a nerd have had one true nerdish type spotlight moment.

7 likes, 2 dislikes
Posted by TheSlimJane on 07/27/2012 at 12:47 PM

Re: “Starring Monica Staggs, as 'The Death Doll'

ALSO, in defense of Monica Staggs, I would like to add, that she does not, to her own knowlegde, have actual brain damage, yet. I know this, as she is an actual person that I know, personally.
She may joke about it, but she did do stand-up comedy for a while in Los Angeles. That I do know. She also does characters and writes sketch comedy. So, if she comes across as brazen, vulgar and extremely late for photographic events in parking lots, well, then I advise her to bring an entourage with her next time. That, or take a limo or taxi, so that her dad can not be forced by his knowledge of Little Rock, to drive her around there. And so that, she at least, does not do anything unladylike, while being interviewed during her recovery from an actual, but not glamorous, illness. No, she is not terminal. Never was, as I heard her tell, but she certainly felt like death. That, I can attest to, as I witnessed first-hand. And she also told me, never ever, talk trash while under the influence of Reposado tequila
of any kind..... or fake Reposado that turned out to be Hillcrest Tequila substitute. I also know, she hasn't smoked her entire life. This, would be one of her unladylike substitutes for sitting in a resturant being interviewed in Tulle. I'm just hoping she didn't burn a hole in that ballet costume she was wearing, and that her super awesome Axel Rose hat is being guarded properly by her friend, Jason, from her days in The Red Octopus production of Disaster, where she was aptly cast as Tippy Toulouse. I may have spelled that wrong. I didn't actually attend that play at Vino's back in the day. I know in that play, she was type-cast as a bimbo of sorts.....well, maybe, that is a little better than being alluded to as officially brain-damaged.....Ride on Monica. And don't let that skirt blow up too high.

4 likes, 0 dislikes
Posted by TheSlimJane on 07/11/2012 at 5:48 AM

Re: “Starring Monica Staggs, as 'The Death Doll'

I'm hoping Soundgarden fans do not really think that Soundgarden is coming here to Little Rock, actually North Little Rock, sometime, in late or early August.
That is a rumor. And, I'm afraid, that someone might have really started an actual half-ass campaign to get that rumor to become reality. Sadly, it is not happening. Not that I know of, as a fan of Soundgarden....however, this article contains a few mistakes.
Not that I'd actually know, as I was not there to witness the interview, or Mrs. Staggs' photo shoot.
But, knowing how, even any person, can misquote anyone in general, I'd say, that at least part of this article is off. Not by a lot, but certainly, Staggs, would not be as career killing to admit she actually said anything untoward ever about anyone she ever hoped to work for in the film business.
I'm not sure who the Dr. is in the article, or even if he examined the Staggs woman's head for free (as that would have been super-duper nice for her) but, I'm sure, if he's a local, he's never met one Stunt Woman let alone any Stunt Person, per say.
Had he met a stunt person, the Dr. in this article would know that stunt people whack the crap out of their bodies all the time. Otherwise, there would be no use for them at all in Hollywood.
So I hope that anyone that reads this article, keeps in mind that, unless they were actually there, on set, or there, at the interview, that Mrs. Staggs is at the mercy of the written word.
There, in matters of the written word, Staggs, in my opinion, needs to get to work quickly, mending all the things she at least knows are sort of off, in this article.
I hope at least on that day, she has a car to drive of her own, and that she appears less like a "train-wreck" and more like a freight train. Slow and steady, but once up to speed, capable of anything.
Go Staggs. Go!

4 likes, 1 dislike
Posted by TheSlimJane on 07/11/2012 at 5:20 AM

Re: “Chappelle talks about his future, time traveling at Little Rock gig

Well played, natural state. I guess, we know how to really judge a dude. I hope the hog calling part makes the video when it comes out. Then at least the Razorbacks might feel some natural pride.
As far as Dave's performance, where he was "working out" material, well that is exactly what he was doing.
Next time, I suggest, someone with a true set of cahones, jumps up on stage when the audience seems to be bored. That way, at least, there might be a tasering event that happens live and on-stage. That way, comics will know exactly what they are dealing with when visiting Little Rock.
Or at least, Dave can then go off about tasering and violence. That or the hog fans should wear their damn hog hats to the damn concert. Ya know?
I mean, come on, how the hell are we ever going to get anyone to come to this state again? I mean anyone. Like a performer. Like any performer.
You can sure bet, Dave may not even try to practice his act in front of the actual audience again, after all we can think to do is call the damn HOGS. Jesus. Get a pro team already

1 like, 1 dislike
Posted by TheSlimJane on 07/11/2012 at 5:01 AM

Re: “ABC blows lid off this Sherwood 'Cheer Perfection' thing

To this i say, drive over to Sherwood first, or Sherweird and have a gander at the neighborhood at large. Be careful, there are dogs there. And sometimes they bite.
I'm sure, the reporter, stayed across the river at the Peabody that will no longer be the Peabody soon. As I have heard through the grapevine, (as it works in Sherwood) that the ducks and stuff aren't cutting it as far as bringing in the dough.
So, perphaps the ducks can come to Sherwood this time, instead of an actual reporter. This should please everyone, especially people who hate dogs and ducks. And that should take the heat off those cheerleaders and their moms.

35 likes, 43 dislikes
Posted by TheSlimJane on 07/11/2012 at 4:50 AM

Re: “Off with his head!


4 likes, 15 dislikes
Posted by TheSlimJane on 07/11/2012 at 4:40 AM


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