Favorite

Tomorrow 

By the time you read this, let's hope, it will be over. We put that "hope" in there to pour one out for our homies lost in The Battle of Hanging Chad in Election 2000, when over a hundred million votes and who would hold the most powerful office in the world came down to a handful of nimrods who couldn't fully push a stylus through a piece of paper in Florida. We love the Redneck Rivera, Florida, but don't screw this up for us this time. Seriously.

No matter how it all turns out, it's done for another year. All the political signs on their way to be used as insulation for chicken coops as God intended, all the attack ads that made life like the world's longest spookhouse henceforth seen only by political science students, all the polling places gone back to being schools and churches and quiet firehouses where the company Dalmatian sleeps on the seat of the ladder truck, waiting for the bell. The Observer can't quite say good riddance to it all. Every four years, we get to experience the great spectacle of Americans actually caring for a moment about politics, as beautiful, in its way, as wildebeest migrations on the African savanna, or a capybara being slowly swallowed by an anaconda. Can you tell from that crack about the anaconda that The Observer is well and truly done with Election 2016?

Don't let us bring you down, Dear Voter, especially when Dorito Mussolini just lost the presidential election, thus denying a hair-trigger demagogue with authoritarian fascist tendencies command of a $500 billion per year military, an electronic surveillance state that can know in 10 keystrokes or less what time you took a deuce this morning, and enough nukes to turn Earth into a lifeless cinder ... we hope. Outlook unclear, our Magic 8-Ball says, try again later. As we write this, it's still all up to you, America. Hope you made the right decision.

If it goes the way we pray, this country (and probably the world) will have done a rail grind on the edge of a very dark abyss. No matter who wins, we no longer get to smugly say, "It can't happen here," because it has happened here now. We further know that if a large portion of this country doesn't do something to turn the ship away from the iceberg of enmity, it's going to happen again and again until it happens all the way. And then you've got Hitler with access to surveillance satellites, drone warfare and stealth bombers.

This is assuming a lot, of course, writing this as The Observer is on the morning of Election Day, the sky outside our window as gray as a wool overcoat. It assumes that, as you read this, we are not all spending our first day in Orangemerica, the haters vindicated and jubilant; the chants for a beeyouteeful wahl ringing in the streets; the 10 percenters on the march under their confusing flourish of American and Confederate flags; the talk of Dorito's political opponent being jailed or worse rising up from the haymows and little towns like a craven prayer; all the decent, hardworking, desperate people who supported him in the hope he will bring back their job on the factory floor not yet knowing they've been bamboozled by the best. From the safety or wreck of tomorrow, Dear Reader, witness The Observer's fear this Election Day morning, as we sit here knowing the state we love will cleave to a sexist, racist, barely coherent Vladimir Putin fanboy by 15 percentage points or more.

Even if the vision visited upon us by The Ghost of Election Day Future doesn't come to pass, we worry strange creatures have been loosed from chaos to stalk the land for years, plotting and scheming until they find someone smarter, less rash, more polished, less flawed, but with all the same terrible marbles rolling around in his head. But we'll worry about that later. Right now, we're thinking about Wednesday. Good luck, America. We'll see who you are tomorrow.

Favorite

From the ArkTimes store

Comments

Subscribe to this thread:

Add a comment

Readers also liked…

  • I'm sorry

    I'm sorry we stood by while your generation's hope was smothered by $1.3 trillion in student loan debt, just because you were trying to educate yourselves enough to avoid falling for the snake oil and big talk of a fascist.
    • Nov 17, 2016
  • Show and tell

    The Observer is an advocate of the A+ method of integrating the arts and using creativity to teach across the curriculum, an approach that the Thea Foundation, with help from the Windgate Charitable Foundation, is offering to schools across the state.
    • Feb 25, 2016
  • Yawp

    The Observer has been in a funk lately for a number of reasons: revulsions and slights, both foreign and domestic. We get that way most years as the winter drags on, once the tinsel and colored lights of Christmas drop into the rearview, soon after we come off the New Year's Day hangover.
    • Mar 24, 2016

Most Shared

  • Conspiracy theorists

    Back in 2000, I interviewed Rev. Jerry Falwell on camera in connection with a documentary film of "The Hunting of the President," which Joe Conason and I wrote.
  • The health of a hospital

    The Medicaid expansion helped Baxter County Regional Medical Center survive and thrive, but a federal repeal bill threatens to imperil it and its patients.
  • Virgil, quick come see

    There goes the Robert E. Lee. But the sentiment that built the monument? It's far from gone.
  • Real reform

    Arkansas voters, once perversely skeptical of complicated ballot issues like constitutional amendments, have become almost comical Pollyannas, ratifying the most shocking laws.
  • That modern mercantile: The bARn

    The bARn Mercantile — "the general store for the not so general," its slogan says — will open in the space formerly occupied by Ten Thousand Villages at 301A President Clinton Ave.

Latest in The Observer

  • Summer resolutions

    The Observer likes making resolutions at New Year's. We don't manage to keep any of them other than the one we always start with — "Stay Above Ground" — but we do like making them.
    • May 25, 2017
  • More bad news

    As we write this, the Little Rock City Board is readying an ordinance to make it exponentially harder for charities to feed poor and homeless people in city parks.
    • May 18, 2017
  • Art imitates life

    If you're not watching "The Handmaid's Tale" on Hulu, you should be, if your heart can stand it.
    • May 11, 2017
  • More »

Visit Arkansas

Paddling the Fourche Creek Urban Water Trail

Paddling the Fourche Creek Urban Water Trail

Underutilized waterway is a hidden gem in urban Little Rock

Event Calendar

« »

May

S M T W T F S
  1 2 3 4 5 6
7 8 9 10 11 12 13
14 15 16 17 18 19 20
21 22 23 24 25 26 27
28 29 30 31  

Most Viewed

  • Abuse again at Arkansas juvenile lockup

    A guard was fired after choking a child at the Alexander Juvenile Assessment and Treatment Center. It’s the latest in a long history of mistreatment at the facility.

Most Recent Comments

 

© 2017 Arkansas Times | 201 East Markham, Suite 200, Little Rock, AR 72201
Powered by Foundation