Favorite

W is for ‘whatever’ 

What? You thought Chattanooga couldn't line up with the Hogs? Why come? I mean, they owned Georgia Southern. And their QB had a better completion percentage coming into the game than our own “Division I” QB, Casey Dick. Who is from Texas. Where football means business, like on that “Friday Night Lights” show. And! They feature a double-threat backfield in Errol Wynn and Bryan Fitzgerald. Kinda. I mean, they have and use two backs. And freshmen and sophomores make up the majority of their team. So less wear and tear.

Yeah, yeah, yeah: They're 1-4. But all of those L's were within two touchdowns. And they're coming off a really tough loss to something called “the Citadel.” This is a program important enough to be preceded by a grammatical article. Sounds like some shadowy organization Jack Bauer might run into on a particularly bad day. What's their mascot? The Ninjas?

Oh yeah, and ALSO: The Hogs weren't actually playing at home. Hell, their winning percentage at War Memorial can't be significantly better than at Reynolds. If Razorback receivers can't haul in balls clumsily tossed within a 10-yard radius of their (really very simple) routes, how do they expect Casey Dick to complete any passes? And if D-Mac insists on running between the tackles time and time again, how can he expect to win the Heisman? Nutt can recruit certain players and give them scholarships and put them on the field and pray really hard for them on the sidelines, but he can't be expected to tell them what to do once they get there. You can supply a workhorse with orange coolers full of water, but you can't make him … Never mind.

So the strapping young walk-ons from Chattanooga went a long way toward preparing us for Auburn, who had a really gosh-darn hard time upsetting the No. 4 team in the country a couple weeks backs. This squad, apparently made up of both Tigers and War Eagles, might be every bit as tough as the Mocs, who are neither Moccasins nor Mockingbirds. But Brad Lester's ferocious return to the backfield last week was probably a fluke, since it was against a Vandy team that would pro'lly have rather been reading a book or something. Brandon Tate only averages five yards a carry and is most definitely less good than Cadillac Williams. Brandon Cox sucked at the beginning of the year, and as we all know, QBs can't be expected to improve throughout the season. Kodi Burns and Lee Ziemba can't be all that good, or we would have recruited them.

Their coach boasts a measly road record over the last three seasons, having lost one game in 11. And his 4-0 career record versus top 5 teams means nothing to us, since we aren't in the top 5.

Perhaps the most promising statistic leading into this weekend's game is the Nuttster's commanding 6-5 record against Tommy Tuberville. So ... flip a coin.

Favorite

From the ArkTimes store

Comments

Subscribe to this thread:

Add a comment

More by Derek Jenkins

  • There's always next year

    I haven't even spoken to my friends. I ignored all the teary empty nonsense of postgame coverage. I didn't sign into Twitter for a week. Anyway, the game was on a loop in my head.
    • Jan 12, 2011
  • Last-minute gift guides

    A Boy Named Sooie's gift roundup includes "Satchel: The Life and Times of an American Legend," "Forty Minutes of Hell: The Extraordinary Life of Nolan Richardson," "Free Darko Presents: The Undisputed Guide to Basketball History" and more.
    • Dec 23, 2010
  • Where I stand on The Agreement

    Nobody has any reason to be the least bit disappointed with the job Bobby Petrino has done with the Arkansas Razorbacks. Still, I have my reservations about the document that shall henceforth be known as The Agreement.
    • Dec 16, 2010
  • More »

Most Shared

  • ASU to reap $3.69 million from estate of Jim and Wanda Lee Vaughn

    Arkansas State University announced today plans for spending an expected $3.69 million gift in the final distribution of the estate of Jim and Wanda Lee Vaughn, who died in 2013 and 2015 respectively.
  • Bad health care bill, again

    Wait! Postpone tax reform and everything else for a while longer because the Senate is going to try to repeal and replace the Affordable Care Act one more time before September ends and while it can do it with the votes of only 50 senators.
  • Sex on campus

    Look, the Great Campus Rape Crisis was mainly hype all along. What Vice President Joe Biden described as an epidemic of sexual violence sweeping American college campuses in 2011 was vastly overstated.

Latest in A Boy Named Sooie

  • There's always next year

    I haven't even spoken to my friends. I ignored all the teary empty nonsense of postgame coverage. I didn't sign into Twitter for a week. Anyway, the game was on a loop in my head.
    • Jan 12, 2011
  • Last-minute gift guides

    A Boy Named Sooie's gift roundup includes "Satchel: The Life and Times of an American Legend," "Forty Minutes of Hell: The Extraordinary Life of Nolan Richardson," "Free Darko Presents: The Undisputed Guide to Basketball History" and more.
    • Dec 23, 2010
  • Where I stand on The Agreement

    Nobody has any reason to be the least bit disappointed with the job Bobby Petrino has done with the Arkansas Razorbacks. Still, I have my reservations about the document that shall henceforth be known as The Agreement.
    • Dec 16, 2010
  • More »

Event Calendar

« »

September

S M T W T F S
  1 2
3 4 5 6 7 8 9
10 11 12 13 14 15 16
17 18 19 20 21 22 23
24 25 26 27 28 29 30

Most Viewed

  • SEC hope?

    There's precedent for the Hogs rebounding from a September misstep or two.

Most Recent Comments

  • Re: Bumbling Bielema

    • The person named Allen with the canning co just filed bankruptcy, if any one is…

    • on September 19, 2017
  • Re: Bumbling Bielema

    • And yet Bielema is paid millions of dollars. I'm no fancy football expert, but it…

    • on September 18, 2017
  • Re: Bumbling Bielema

    • Coaches are out there to snag up at the end of the season, the kind…

    • on September 18, 2017
 

© 2017 Arkansas Times | 201 East Markham, Suite 200, Little Rock, AR 72201
Powered by Foundation