Favorite

Words, April 16 

But permissible only if he's a good provider:

From the Progress Report — “The act of bestiality is a step closer to becoming illegal in Florida. A state Senate committee voted to slap a third-degree felony charge on anyone who has sex with animals. But ‘animal-husbandry practices are permissible,' according to the bill. ‘People are taking these animals as their husbands? What's husbandry?' asked a confused Sen. Larcenia Bullard. Some senators stifled their laughter as Chairman Charlie Dean explained that husbandry was the rearing and caring of animals.”

 

Regrets, he has a few:

“Gillispie: Record at UK regretful.” The team's won-lost record is regrettable. It's the coach who is regretful.

Give it to 'em straight, nurse:

Douglas McDowall saw this sign outside a Levy liquor store — “WARM BEER HIGH PRICES SURLY CLERKS LOUSY SELECTION.”

 

When not to say when:

“The gunman's estranged wife works at Pinelake Health and Rehab and was there Sunday morning when authorities said Robert Stewart stormed in and killed seven residents and a nurse.” It's a good thing she wasn't there while the shooting was going on.

To clarify, put the “authorities said” at the end of the sentence, with a comma in front of it, or keep the sentence structure as is but put commas around “authorities said.”

“Williams was hauling chicken parts for Tyson Foods and was trying to turn west towards Siloam Springs when he said his brakes failed.” Who did he say it to? And what did his statement have to do with the accident? Again, the “he said” should be moved to the end of the sentence, with a comma in front, or the “he said” left where it is but with commas around it.

 

A bit more forceful than “Don't Stop Thinking About Tomorrow”:

“Hundreds of Zuma supporters waved ANC flags in a downtown Johannesburg square, dancing and singing to [presidential candidate] Zuma's theme song, ‘Bring Me My Machine Gun.' ”

 

Favorite

From the ArkTimes store

Comments

Subscribe to this thread:

Add a comment

More by Doug Smith

  • The L word and the C word

    I was excited to see the newspaper headline "Bielema liberal." "After all those neo-Nazis, we've finally got a coach who thinks right," I told friends. "I wonder if he belongs to the ADA."
    • May 1, 2014
  • Who's exasperated?

    Jim Newell was gripped by exasperation himself after reading this item in the business section. "Exacerbated" is the word the writer wanted, he sagely suggests.
    • Apr 24, 2014
  • We will run no race before it's ripe

    "What year would Oaklawn recognize as its 100th anniversary? After all, Oaklawn's advertising material is ripe with 'Since 1904,' but it's widely reported the first race wasn't run until 1905."
    • Apr 17, 2014
  • More »

Most Shared

  • 'Cemetery angel' Ruth Coker Burks featured in new short film

    Ruth Coker Burks, the AIDS caregiver and activist memorably profiled by David Koon as the cemetery angel in Arkansas Times in 2015, is now the subject of a short film made by actress Rose McGowan.
  • Buyer remorse

    Out here in flyover country, you can't hardly go by the feed store without running into a reporter doing one of those Wisdom of the Heartland stories.
  • Not Whitewater

    Just think: If Democrats had turned out 78,000 more votes in three states in November, people could be reveling today in the prospect of impeaching and convicting President Hillary Clinton, not Donald Trump, as some Republican lawmakers had promised to try to do if she won.
  • Head-shaking

    Another edition of so-much-bad-news-so-little space.

Latest in Words

  • The L word and the C word

    I was excited to see the newspaper headline "Bielema liberal." "After all those neo-Nazis, we've finally got a coach who thinks right," I told friends. "I wonder if he belongs to the ADA."
    • May 1, 2014
  • Who's exasperated?

    Jim Newell was gripped by exasperation himself after reading this item in the business section. "Exacerbated" is the word the writer wanted, he sagely suggests.
    • Apr 24, 2014
  • We will run no race before it's ripe

    "What year would Oaklawn recognize as its 100th anniversary? After all, Oaklawn's advertising material is ripe with 'Since 1904,' but it's widely reported the first race wasn't run until 1905."
    • Apr 17, 2014
  • More »

Event Calendar

« »

July

S M T W T F S
  1
2 3 4 5 6 7 8
9 10 11 12 13 14 15
16 17 18 19 20 21 22
23 24 25 26 27 28 29
30 31  

Most Viewed

  • Buyer remorse

    Out here in flyover country, you can't hardly go by the feed store without running into a reporter doing one of those Wisdom of the Heartland stories.

Most Recent Comments

  • Re: Buyer remorse

    • IBS, you're from Chicago, right? Hillary's from Chicago. Your monomania against Hillary is puzzling and…

    • on July 27, 2017
  • Re: Buyer remorse

    • When we had not one but TWO shit candidates running for president, is it really…

    • on July 27, 2017
  • Re: Buyer remorse

    • So Gene Lyons says all people who voted for Trump fall into just two categories…

    • on July 27, 2017
 

© 2017 Arkansas Times | 201 East Markham, Suite 200, Little Rock, AR 72201
Powered by Foundation