Favorite

Words, Feb. 28 

Andy Borowitz writes in Funny Times:

“Gay tiger attacks Huckabee”

“Animal ‘taunted' by bestiality remarks”

“After making remarks in which he directly equated homosexuality with bestiality, former Arkansas governor Mike Huckabee was attacked at the San Francisco Zoo by a gay tiger. Mr. Huckabee had scheduled a campaign stop at the zoo where he made his controversial remarks about homosexuality and bestiality, not realizing that he was standing within earshot of a Bengal tiger with a homosexual lifestyle … ”

Coincidentally, a reader of this column objected to lifestyle in a recent e-mail: “It's used only by Religionists and usually to refer to gays. As in, ‘The gay lifestyle.' Now, call me crazy, but substituting ‘heterosexual' for ‘gay' yields, ‘The heterosexual lifestyle.' As in, uh, Mother Teresa? Ted Bundy? Bill Clinton? Charles Manson? St. Joan? There IS no heterosexual ‘lifestyle' any more than there's a homosexual one.”

He'll have to take it up with that San Francisco tiger, and he'd better be careful. Remember the author who got crossways with a tiger? What was his name?

From a newspaper article about a conference on improving higher education in Arkansas:

“Bob Brown, president of Arkansas Tech University in Russellville, said he's long advocated such a system. ‘We're very pleased,' Brown said. ‘It'll help Arkansas Tech. We think it's a proper thing to incentivise that kind of behavior.' ”

It would be a proper thing to disincentivise the use of “incentivise.” Especially by college presidents.

Gov. Mike Beebe spoke forcefully to educators at the same meeting:

“If I think you're just BSing me, I'll tell you that, and I'll ignore you.” But what if they're just BAing him? This too seems strange language for a conference on higher education. But not as bad as incentivise.

Lebensraum:

In the Feb. 14 column, I said that the Club for Greed had interviewed several Republican presidential candidates. A fascist reader has advised me that the correct name of the organization is “Club for Growth.”

Favorite

From the ArkTimes store

Comments

Subscribe to this thread:

Add a comment

More by Doug Smith

  • The L word and the C word

    I was excited to see the newspaper headline "Bielema liberal." "After all those neo-Nazis, we've finally got a coach who thinks right," I told friends. "I wonder if he belongs to the ADA."
    • May 1, 2014
  • Who's exasperated?

    Jim Newell was gripped by exasperation himself after reading this item in the business section. "Exacerbated" is the word the writer wanted, he sagely suggests.
    • Apr 24, 2014
  • We will run no race before it's ripe

    "What year would Oaklawn recognize as its 100th anniversary? After all, Oaklawn's advertising material is ripe with 'Since 1904,' but it's widely reported the first race wasn't run until 1905."
    • Apr 17, 2014
  • More »

Most Shared

Latest in Words

  • The L word and the C word

    I was excited to see the newspaper headline "Bielema liberal." "After all those neo-Nazis, we've finally got a coach who thinks right," I told friends. "I wonder if he belongs to the ADA."
    • May 1, 2014
  • Who's exasperated?

    Jim Newell was gripped by exasperation himself after reading this item in the business section. "Exacerbated" is the word the writer wanted, he sagely suggests.
    • Apr 24, 2014
  • We will run no race before it's ripe

    "What year would Oaklawn recognize as its 100th anniversary? After all, Oaklawn's advertising material is ripe with 'Since 1904,' but it's widely reported the first race wasn't run until 1905."
    • Apr 17, 2014
  • More »

Event Calendar

« »

October

S M T W T F S
1 2 3 4 5 6 7
8 9 10 11 12 13 14
15 16 17 18 19 20 21
22 23 24 25 26 27 28
29 30 31  

Most Viewed

  • Cotton to CIA?

    Political junkies without a real election to overanalyze fill the void with "what if?" scenarios. With the State Fair underway, consider this column a helping of cotton candy for such readers.
  • The casting couch

    Long ago and far away, I had an academic superior who enjoyed sexually humiliating younger men. There was unwanted touching — always in social situations — but mainly it was about making suggestive remarks, hinting that being a "hunk" was how I'd got hired.

Most Recent Comments

  • Re: The casting couch

    • sigh............ I would argue that the idea of 'freedom from fear' is part of the…

    • on October 19, 2017
  • Re: Caution: government at work

    • As to the AR Chamber of Commerce-DO NOT FORGET it supports passage of SJR8, which…

    • on October 19, 2017
  • Re: The casting couch

    • Freedom from fear is a human right.

    • on October 19, 2017
 

© 2017 Arkansas Times | 201 East Markham, Suite 200, Little Rock, AR 72201
Powered by Foundation